We
recently celebrated Valentine's day, the day we give flowers, candy
hearts, stuffed animals and beautiful cards to one another. We
delight in love stories where the characters live happily ever after.
We cherish joyful times with our family and friends. Our hearts
melt in the presence of little children.
Yet
love, real love, also causes pain. To love is to be vulnerable. When
we love, we are no longer in control. We suffer loss.
I was
reminded of this several days ago. I woke to find that Jean was not
in bed. This is not unusual, as she rises before me and heads to a
local pond where she sits in front of “Timothy's Tree” to read,
think and take photos. Timothy, our son, died four years ago. We
love him dearly.
This
morning was different. As I climbed onto my exercise bike, I noticed
that the house was dark. Jean usually turns on a kitchen light when
she leaves. I called to her, but no response. Immediately fear
kicked in. Maybe she had a medical emergency and was collapsed on
the floor.
I
hurried downstairs calling her name. Then I spotted the note she
leaves for me when she departs. I heaved a sigh of relief and
climbed back upstairs to continue my exercise.
I
remember another time when I panicked like this. We were graduate
students, living in St. Louis. Jean went grocery shopping one night
and was delayed. This was before we had cell phones. I literally
paced the apartment until she returned.
I love
my wife, but I'm not good at telling her. I realize my love mainly
at times when I'm afraid that I might lose her. This is certainly
true with our son, Timothy. We realize how much we love him, now
that he is gone.
Death
is not the only loss we suffer in love. We suffer the pain of
unfulfilled hopes and dreams. There is the agony of betrayal –
being betrayed and betraying. We anguish over missed opportunities
that are forever gone. There are the decisions made that one wishes
one had made differently. We experience unforeseen events, the
accidents that forever change things. There are the ruptures in
relationships where love turns to hatred, anger and frustration over
what might have been and can never be.
We love
animals as well as well as people. Two little dogs filled our lives
with joy. We had to euthanize each of them as they grew old and
infirm. It was torture holding them as the poison was injected, and
their little bodies went limp.
Some of
us are pained by the loss of any kind of life. I remember biking one
spring in Madison, when I approached an intersection with a stop
sign. A baby robin was perched near the rear wheel of a car at that
intersection. I raced toward the car waving my hand. The car moved
forward crushing the little bird.
Another
time, while driving on a local street, I saw a seagull flopping in
the road. I jammed on my breaks, blocking traffic, and raced to pick
up the injured bird. As I carried it from the road, it's struggling
ceased. I placed it gently under some shrubs, its final resting
place.
I
grieve when I see trees dying near highways, killed by the excess
salt spread in the winter. I grieve for forests destroyed by clear
cutting and corn fields covered over by asphalt for shopping malls.
I grieve for animals who are butchered under inhumane conditions by
giant food conglomerates. I grieve for all plants and animals that
suffer due to human carelessness and callousness.
Love
connects us in many ways. I am connected to people who irritate me
when I pray for my enemies. I have few warm feelings toward these
people. I don't love them like I love family members and friends. I
won't send them bouquets of hearts and flowers. Yet prayer alters my
attitude toward them. They are no longer objects of hate or ridicule.
I realize that we are similar in many respects. We are connected in
our common humanity.
Most
of us have been conditioned to experience love as personal, romantic
and spiritual. There is nothing wrong with this. It's beautiful and
important. But it is only part of the picture. There
is a deeper dimension of love. It's not emotional. It's something
more. Ram
Dass described it this way, “Unconditional love really exists in
each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an
active emotion as a state of being. It's not 'I love you' for this or
that reason, not 'I love you if you love me.' It's love for no
reason, love without an object.” For me, this love involves a
realization that I am part of the whole cosmos, and this cosmos is
part of me. In this love, there is no more “we and they.” We
are all one.
We
need this dimension of love today as we are confronted with human
tragedies on a massive scale. Ten countries face humanitarian
catastrophe in 2019, due to armed conflicts, economic collapse and
climate related events. These result in internal or external
displacement (refugees). These countries include Yemen, the
Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Sudan, Afghanistan,
Venezuela, Central African Republic, Syria, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and
Somalia. Around 40 million people have been displaced across the
world, with the top 10 countries accounting for over half - or nearly
22 million - of those displacements. These 10 countries also account
for at least 13 million refugees, 65 percent of the global total,
plus an additional three million people who have fled Venezuela.
According to the United
Nations,
nearly 132 million people in 42 countries around the world will need
humanitarian assistance, including protection, in 2019.i
This
is not all. Humankind faces the possibility of extinction due to two
other crises. The first is climate change due to global warming. The
second is the loss of biodiversity due to climate change and
population increase. A major
report produced by theWorld Wildlife Fund
finds that the vast
and growing
consumption
of food and resources by the global population is destroying the web
of life. This web was billions of years in the making. It is the
web upon which human society ultimately depends for clean air, water
and everything else. Many scientists believe the world has begun
a sixth
mass extinction,
the first to be caused by a species – Homo
sapiens.
Other recent analyses have revealed that humankind
has destroyed 83% of all mammals and
50% of plants since the dawn of civilization. Even if the destruction
were to end now, it would take 5-7
million years for the natural world to recover.ii
iii
When faced with statistics such as
these, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the
issues. Even when we see graphic photos that grip us emotionally, we
soon suffer from compassion fatigue because the pain of such
horrendous suffering is too great to bear.
Our
global cultures are awash in patterns of distrust, division,
domination and violence. Life on our planet is threatened by global
warming, overpopulation and diminishing biodiversity. Yet I still
have hope. I have hope because everyday people are moved by
unconditional love which is part of our deep inner being, love for no
reason and love without an object.iv
This is the love that motivated Jesus as he spoke about the Kingdom
or Reign of God.v
Founders of other religious/spiritual traditions stated this truth
in similar ways.
We
can observe this unconditional love in action if we just look for it.
It was evident when Rep. Elijah Cummings recently concluded the
House Oversight Committee's questioning of Michael Cohen with an
impassioned plea for preservation of that which makes our democracy
great.vi
We
observed it in June 2018 when Liz Theoharis and William Barber II
reignited, the Poor People’s Campaign initiated by Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr.vii
It
was apparent in 2012 when Malala Yousafzai, age 15, was shot in the
head by the Taliban in Pakistan. The assassination attempt was a
response to her stand for the right of girls to gain an education
after the Taliban had banned them from attending school. In 2014 she
became the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Motivated by
love, she leads pioneering change in attitudes towards women,
children, inequality and education in Asian countries.viii
I
am certain you can name others who behave in this way from your
personal experience.
This
is why I have hope.
Everyday people are responding in unconditional love. Let us each
heed this call that is part of our deep inner being.
Rabindranath Tagore put it this way: “Love is the only reality and
it is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the
heart of creation.”
The
Patience of Ordinary Thingsix
by
Pat
Schneider
It
is a kind of love, is it not?
How
the cup holds the tea,
How
the chair stands sturdy and foursquare,
How
the floor receives the bottoms of shoes
Or
toes. How soles of feet know
Where
they’re supposed to be.
I’ve
been thinking about the patience
Of
ordinary things, how clothes
Wait
respectfully in closets
And
soap dries quietly in the dish,
And
towels drink the wet
From
the skin of the back.
And
the lovely repetition of stairs.
And
what is more generous than a window?
Another
River: New and Selected Poems
(Amherst Writers and Artists Press, 2005).
ihttps://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/inpictures/top-10-countries-risk-humanitarian-disaster-2019-181213184843061.html
iihttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/oct/30/humanity-wiped-out-animals-since-1970-major-report-finds
iiihttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/nov/03/stop-biodiversity-loss-or-we-could-face-our-own-extinction-warns-un
ivSee
Ram Dass quote above.
vFor
further discussion of this see Richard Rohr's new book, “The
Universal Christ” at
<https://store.cac.org/products/companion-guide-for-groups-the-universal-christvariant=21757908516948&_ga=2.220433560.1487970427.1551823633-1167299654.1551823633>
vihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72gy-LZ4UN0
viihttps://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org
viiihttps://charterforcompassion.org/women-justice-and-compassion/23-inspiring-women-fighting-for-women
ixThank
you Bill Rettig for sharing this poem at the end of this reflection.
