We
sped down a darkened highway on a moonlit night - two preteen
children, a mom and a dad. Stars sparkled in the clear night sky
against the pale smudge of the Milky Way.
“Just
imagine,” I exclaimed. “We are looking at stars in billions of
galaxies in a cosmos that has been expanding for nearly fourteen
billion years. Our planet is less than a dust mote in a sunbeam when
compared to all of this.”
We
rode on in silence interrupted only by our daughter's sobbing in the
back seat. Then it struck me. She was overwhelmed and frightened by
the immensity of it all – by our seeming insignificance in the
midst of this limitless expanse of space and time.
The
memory haunts me still.
When
I consider the things that consume our attention, the personal and
global issues, I wonder, “What difference do these things make on a
cosmic scale?”
Is
there a positive direction to the evolution of the cosmos? Maybe.
It's also possible that the grandeur I observed that night, is only a
moment in an expanse of time and space; moving toward a point when
all the stars burn out, leaving nothing but cold, dead darkness.
If
this is the case, why not join the game played on our global stage:
“Get what you can when you can. Whoever dies with the most toys
wins?”
There
is no way to know, in any objective sense, whether or not our lives
have meaning. Sometimes it all seems fruitless. The things we value
are overwhelmed by institutions, systems and powers beyond our
control.
I
yearn for the comfort afforded me by the God of my younger years. I
wish I could continue to experience a benevolent being “up there”
who loves, nurtures and protects me. I envy those for whom this is
still a fact.
Then
I remember that young girl sobbing in the back seat of our car so
many years ago. I think of my little grandson now, so open and full
of hope. I am aware of the little child who continues to live in me
and in all the adults around me. He is part of my unconscious
yearning for love and acceptance. We are all affected by these inner
yearnings. We are like children on a play ground vying for attention
and approval.
In
spite of the unknowns and uncertainties of our times, I choose not to
succumb to pessimism and cynicism. I continue on for the little ones,
past, present, inner and outer. Yet, it is more than that.
I
continue on because I experience a deep attachment, an unconditioned
love, that goes beyond mere emotion. I may not feel the comfort of a
father or mother “out there” as I did in the past, but I do
experience a kind of knowing that is outside the box of my customary
understanding. Through this knowing, I experience an existence
filled with unexpected opportunities just waiting to be actualized.
I
remember when I was the director of Madison-area Urban Ministry
(MUM). There were times I wanted to engage someone of influence in
the community. I knew I could come, hat in hand, to meet that
person. Initially s/he would not listen to me. When I waited with
expectancy, circumstances would often develop; and I could meet
him/her on much sounder footing. The task was waiting, looking and
expecting the opportunity to materialize.
I
experience this when I am dealing with dilemmas in my life. If I
wait and listen with expectancy, I often have a dream, hear a remark,
or read something that reframes the issue in a new way. Because I am
open and receptive, I notice these things when others may not.
Although
my relationship with the mystery isn't as personal as in my youth,
something is promoting wholeness.
We
are part of a cosmos that was created in the big bang - stars,
planets, black holes, dark matter, life and other mysteries beyond
our present comprehension. Our growing awareness of ourselves, our
consciousness, is part of a growing consciousness in the whole of the
cosmos.
I
am increasingly aware that this knowing that is deeper than emotion,
this unconditioned love, connects me to all that is. It's as if I
and the rest of the cosmos are part of a single organism.
The
greater my awareness of this mystery, the more it beckons to me.
The
stars in their galaxies continue their billion year transit through
space and time. Our little planet continues to orbit a star on the
outer edge of one small galaxy among billions of others. We are just
a dust mote in a sunbeam when compared to this vastness..
Yet
I am one with it all. I am connected to everything. This makes all
the difference.
