Certainly
we need to act in the short term to curb this kind of violence. We
need to limit the use of guns, particularly assault rifles and other
weapons designed for killing people. We need mandatory background
checks with waiting periods for all people purchasing guns. We need
to treat gun violence as a health crisis while providing mental
health programs for those in need of them.
Still,
as I listen to the blaming and political posturing attendant to this
calamity, I have the uncomfortable feeling that such programs alone
are insufficient. I believe that I, and many other Americans, am
complicit in this violence. Our complicity lies in the fact that we
have failed to treat the addictive patterns that infect our society
and breed violence. The 'We' in “We the People” is largely
absent. We have little ability to identify with the distress of
others. Hence, our desire to alleviate this distress has been
deadened.
We
are isolated from one another, and isolation kills compassion.
Violence flourishes because we no longer look out for each other. We
respond only when we are directly threatened.
It is
easy to blame this lack of caring on the political and religious
divisiveness in our society. Liberals blame the NRA and
conservatives for the violence. Conservatives blame liberals whose
big government policies are threatening individual freedoms. It is
true that such divisiveness corrodes our unity. Yet, I feel there is
another dynamic at work; a dynamic that functions at an almost
unconscious level.
We
live in a society that promotes addiction.
We
are bombarded by messages telling us to strive for some sort of
societal
ideal. If I
exercise, I can look like the body builder in the TV commercial. If
I participate in a self improvement program, I can become the perfect
husband and parent. If I enroll in a particular educational
curriculum, I will be successful in my work. Even our religious
groups are caught in this dynamic. If I attend a particular faith
community, I will be saved from the problems that confront me.
This
addictive dynamic affects us all.
I
have come to realize that I am a work-o-holic. I'm addicted to
work. My drive to promote justice in Madison Urban Ministry (MUM)
had a compulsive dynamic. At one level, I worked through MUM because
I was concerned for those treated unjustly. At another level, I
worked to fix my low self image. I sought to earn the admiration of
men and the adoration of women through my work. My family suffered.
In fact my wife said that MUM was my mistress. My compulsion put my
health in jeopardy. I pushed myself, continually seeking another
fix, until my body gave out with chronic fatigue.
As
with all addictions, my fixes were short lived. The more I tried,
the more inadequate I felt. There was always another issue, another
conflict, another venue in which I sought affirmation. I tried to
hide my real self from others, posing as the super organizer in
control of every situation. Since I hadn't learned to accept my
limitations and inadequacies, I denied or criticized those parts of
myself that I consider flawed or undesirable. I wasn't able to “Fail
With Soul.” (See my last blog entry.) The more this pretending and
denying continued, the more isolated I became. I can now understand
why many community organizers are 'lone rangers.' In my isolation,
it was 'me against the world.'
Unlike
addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex and food, addiction to work (and
its attendant addictions to money, power and consumer goods) is
explicitly fostered in our culture. I thought I could be successful
through my compulsive attention to work. What I couldn't comprehend
was that success in my work couldn't fill that empty space in my
soul. That space yearned for self acceptance, not acceptance from
others.
You may not be addicted
according to the clinical definition of the word. But I'll bet you
are prone to engage in some patterns in your life in the hope that
these patterns will increase your sense of self worth. Perhaps your
exercise regimen has a compulsive edge. Maybe your diet
consciousness is a bit driven. Perhaps you depend on relationships
with family members to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe
you use leisure activities as a way of escaping from your own self
critical tendencies.
As you
consider these dynamics in your life that potentially isolate you
from others, be assured that I'm not condemning these dynamics in
themselves. Exercise, family time, delicious food and satisfying
work can be blessings that enhance life.
What I
am suggesting is that our cultural patterns promote addictions. That
is to say, our culture promises us satisfaction and wholeness if we
embrace certain conventions. This promise is bogus. Outward
patterns won't yield acceptance. This is an internal dynamic. If
you find yourself depending on a particular practice to give meaning
to your life, ask if this dynamic isolates you from the stranger and
deadens your compassion for those outside your immediate circle of
family and friends. This same dynamic may also isolate you from
yourself, particularly from those parts which you don't like very
much.
Twelve
step programs have proven helpful to folks who are strongly addicted.
I am suggesting that the twelve steps may also be helpful in
dealing with the addictive or compulsive tendencies in our lives,
even if we are not addicted in the clinical sense. Step one
challenges us to admit that we are not in control of our lives. In
this context, step one challenges us to admit that the addictive
patterns in the culture control us unconsciously. Steps two and
three, contend that there is a higher power that can be relied upon
for assistance. For some this
higher power is God, in the traditional sense. For others it may be
a support group or some other aspect of their lives. Abraham Lincoln
referred to this higher power as our “better angels1
.”
Steps four through ten
challenge us to acknowledge our
short comings and to take responsibility for actions that have harmed
ourselves and others. This is an opportunity to embrace our true
selves, warts and all. This is also an opportunity to bring to
consciousness the ways in which cultural attitudes and patterns are
affecting us. Steps
eleven and twelve, encourage us to continue and to engage others on
the journey.
This
then is my hope. If a committed number of us could embark on this
journey, it might be possible to transform the addictive patterns of
our society. Then perhaps, our children would have the opportunity
to grow up to be healthy and loving people.
This
will take courage. It takes courage to name and accept our own
shortcomings without turning to addictive patterns that we hope will
save us. It takes courage to name the shortcomings of our society
with love and acceptance rather than condemnation.
It takes courage to admit that we may need to rely on our “better
angels” to redeem our destructive cultural patterns.
It's
scary to embrace Adam Lanza and his mother with
compassion even as we embrace the
families of the twenty-six children and adults killed by Adam Lanza.
Living
with Soul is not a sentimental reality in some ideal world. Living
with Soul is a gritty possibility in our real world. In light of the
Newtown massacre it may literally be a matter of life and death.
1)
Better Angels – used in the closing paragraph of Lincoln's
First
Inaugural Address
