My
grandson started kindergarten this fall. He is going out on his own
without his mom and dad. It's a scary experience. He's worried and
irritable. I want to protect him from the fears, sorrows and
disappointments he will face in his life. I try to assure him that
it will be OK.
My
daughter, who is much wiser than I, tells me that it does little good
to explain things to him. She says that, even though my grandson has
a good mind, the behavior of a five-year-old is governed more by
feelings than by rational thought.
“Dad,”
she says, “His meltdowns are understandable. Don't try to calm him
by reasoning with him. Go with his feelings. Say, 'I see that your
hard feelings are coming out.' Then hold him or just be there with
him. This will reassure him that his feelings are OK and that he is
OK.”
She is
reading a book to him titled, “The Invisible String.”i
It's a story of a mother who comforts her children who are
frightened at night by a storm. She assures them that even though
she is in the next room, she is connected to them by invisible
strings. These same strings connect them to all of the people and
animals they love. They don't have to be afraid because they are
never alone.
My
daughter urges my grandson to imagine these invisible strings when he
is worried. She tells him that these invisible strings attach him
to her, to his dad, to his grandparents, friends and even Georgia,
his dog. He responds, “These strings are stronger than the bad
strings.” He gets it.
He
still has some meltdowns, but now he has a way to comfort himself.
My grandson can imagine invisible strings of love connecting him to
all those who love him. These strings are stronger than the bad
strings of fear.
We
adults are a lot like my grandson. We are more sophisticated in
understanding ourselves and the world, but our lives are still
conditioned by our emotions. Consider,
for example, our response to the Global Warming crisis. Ninety-seven
percent of scientists acknowledge that global warming is a fact and
is caused by humankind.ii
Public advocates have been warning of the affects of global warming
for years. These well documented arguments have been successfully
countered with emotional appeals not based in fact. As a result, a
sizable portion of Americans do not consider global warming an issue
for concern.
Recently,
two monster hurricanes, Harvey and Irma, slammed into Texas and
Florida. News networks and social media beamed daily pictures into
our homes of these unfolding tragedies. We saw the pain and
suffering of American citizens. Our response was visceral and
emotional. The statistics didn't grab our attention, but our
emotions did.
We
grownups, just like my grandson, need assurance that the world is not
as scary and dangerous as we imagine. Without this assurance, we too
react emotionally out of fear. Unlike my grandson, we have no adult
figure to assure us that the invisible strings of love are stronger
than the bad strings of fear. In fact, people in positions of power
have been manipulating our fear for their own ends. As a result, our
nation is riven by divisions. We distrust those who differ from
ourselves. This distrust is reflected in our social structures and
disables the very democratic processes that have made our nation
great.
This
atmosphere of distrust even infects those of us who seek to reform
our society. We tend to view the society in terms of them and us.
We struggle to defeat those who promote and benefit from a culture of
domination and control. Once the issue is stated in these terms, we
too are caught in and promoting the very cultural attitudes we abhor.
My
daughter's admonition applies here as it does with my grandson:
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Even though we have a
comprehensive scientific understanding of human psychology, group
dynamics and social systems, our behaviors are still governed more
by feelings than we care to admit. Our social dysfunctions
(meltdowns) are understandable. Reason alone won't calm us.
We need to express and acknowledge these fearful
feelings. We need reassurance that these feelings are OK, and
that we are OK for experiencing them. We need ways to engage the
invisible strings of love that are more powerful than our fear.
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The question is,
“How can we access those invisible strings of love.” My grandson
has his mom. She assures him that he is connected to her and others.
Who or what is that “mother” that can assure us?
In the past, the
rituals and practices of religious and spiritual traditions provided
this assurance. For many, these traditions no longer appeal.
Others, who still self identify as “religious” or “spiritual,”
no longer engage in the disciplines of worship, prayer and
meditation. Religious groups still provide a supportive community of
friends and acquaintances, but they often provide little else. This
may explain while the Saturday and Sunday youth soccer leagues
attract as many people as do religious gatherings.
If we are to
counter the death producing culture of fear and domination, we need
to seriously engage in practices that allow us to be gripped by the
invisible strings of love. Only then, will a culture of compassion
challenge the culture of fear and domination.
The outpouring of
compassion and support for the victims of hurricanes Harvey and Irma,
is a demonstration that we are concerned and connected as human
beings. For a brief time, the bad strings of fear and distrust were
overwhelmed by strings of love made visible.
Our challenge is
to intentionally engage practices that promote compassion for one
another in all situations, not only at times of great tragedy. This
requires as much commitment and discipline as that required in the
struggle for control and domination. The practice of engaging love
and compassion is not a passive act. It is more than a series of
emotionally charged moments. It is a practice that transforms us;
one in which we are gripped by an empathy for others; one that
compels us to reach out to others even in the face of fear and
violence.
This practice
requires that we use all of our rational abilities, as we analyze and
strategize to counter the destructive systems of domination and
violence. It also requires that we attend to the dreams and visions
prompted by our compassion. Motivated by the invisible strings of
love, we can then work to implement our dreams to create a world very
different from that which presently constrains billions of our
brothers and sisters to live in situations of poverty, war, disease
and violence.
If you are a
religious or spiritual person, make it a priority in your life to
engage in the worship, meditation and actions of your tradition. If
you are not a religious or spiritual person, explore what motivates
you to acts of love and compassion. Then develop or engage in a
practice, either alone or with others, that enhances this commitment.
The culture of
domination and violence is literally killing us. It threatens the
extinction of human, animal and plant life on our planet. At a
deeper level, it threatens the core of what we are as humans. This
is the core of evolving consciousness that allows us to understand
ourselves as more than just individuals or even a species. We are
participants in the ever expanding and creating flow of the cosmos.
iihttp://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.1088/1748-9326/11/4/048002
