IT IS BIGGER THAN THAT

 It's a beautiful day - colored leaves – blue sky – gentle breezes. Yet I know this weather won't last. It's autumn, a time of change. One day is warm with the sun shining. The following is cold with rain. We don't know what to expect from one day to the next. We are moving toward winter.

Life is like that, changeable and unpredictable. We live the best we can, loving, fearing and hoping. Yet we know we will die.

When I was younger, I feared death. God was a punishing Father who would send me to hell if I didn't follow His rules. As I grew older, this image fueled a fury at the cruelty in the world and a passion for justice. I spent years in Madison Urban Ministry, trying to make things right. Yet deep down, I knew the odds were stacked against the powerless, as powerful people and unjust institutions dominated the scene. I continued on until I burned out with chronic fatigue.

I resigned from the urban ministry and retreated, like a wounded animal, into a cave of my own making. I had little energy. My drive for justice and thirst for life evaporated in fatigue and depression.

As I regained strength, I perceived a different energy around me. It was like a friend sitting with me before a fire. I basked in this presence for several years before it too faded, leaving me with a belief, or was it a hope, that the 'yes' of the universe was stronger than its 'no.'

In my case, the life and teachings of Jesus kept hope alive. Jesus was in touch with a source of Life. He allowed me to hope that we humans are more than we think we are. Walter Wink, in his book, The Human Being, proposed that Jesus offers us the opportunity to go on the journey that he charted rather than just worshipping him or his journey¹. Wink said: "... Jesus incarnated God in his own person in order to show all of us how to incarnate God. And to incarnate God is what it means to be fully human.” This implies that each one of us can embody the mystery that is God in our own being just as Jesus did.

Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry make this point in more contemporary language in The Universe Story². They trace humanity's presence back to the Big Bang when time and space came into being in a burst of energy. This explosion of creativity has continued for more than thirteen billion years giving birth to stars, planets and life forms, including humans. With humans came the evolution of religion, societies and higher levels of consciousness. In a real sense, we humans are part of that originating pulse that created the universe. That energizing power lives in us. We are part of that which produces the growing diversity, complexity and interconnectedness of the creation.

Yet all is not simplicity and light. Both of these stories acknowledge that there are destructive as well as creative dynamics in the cosmos.

The first century story relates Jesus' experience of God as a loving parent in his baptism³. It then tells of his temptation to follow the path of self aggrandizement as the savior of Israel⁴. It recounts Jesus' sense of total abandonment as he prays prior to his execution at the hands of the Romans⁵. If we are to embody the mystery of God in our own beings, we too will experience God as a loving parent while also facing our own temptations, abandonments and death.

The twenty-first century story tells how elements of the creation diversify and multiply as they coexist in mutually beneficial, interdependent relationships. It then states that the finite energy of the universe and its physical laws limit the growth and diversification of life forms. Animals prey on one another in a struggle for survival. Ecosystems flourish and die dependent on ideal temperatures, air, water and adequate amounts of nutrients. The history of planet earth is replete with cycles of mass extinction of living species.⁶ We humans are part of this process, for we are just another life form. If our evolution is inconsistent with the creative dynamics of the cosmos, we too will become extinct.

Still, we are more than just another life form. We are conscious, and our consciousness is evolving. We are more than we think we are, because we embody that creative force that energizes the universe.

Putting this in the language of the first century story: We are more than subjects responding to the commands of God. Using Walter Wink's language, "... Jesus incarnated God in his own person in order to show all of us how to incarnate God. And to incarnate God is what it means to be fully human¹." We humans, like Jesus, can enflesh God who is Love, in our daily lives.⁷

How can I put this in contemporary terms? What might it be to live as part of the creativity that is energizing the Universe? This is much more than hedging our bets to preserve our species. This kind of living means risking our lives, and even the existence of our species, in the trust that the Life that flows in us promotes wholeness at it's deepest level. It involves engaging our fear of suffering and death for the sake of Life. For me, the phrase “living in Love” says it best.

Let me share two events in my life which help me to understand “living in Love.”

1. The first involves my “little sister Sue” who died a couple of years ago from ovarian cancer. I spent six weeks with her during the last six months of her life. Although it was incredibly painful to be with her as she suffered and fought to live, it was also a tremendous blessing. Sue and I loved each other. There was no questioning that. The events of each day, the trips to the hospital, the special drugs, even feeding her through a tube in her stomach, deepened our bonds of love. After she died, I spent a couple of days in her house. In a strange sense she was powerfully present there in her absence. I experienced “living in Love” through Sue's dying.

2. The second involves my grandson, little Gus, who was born nineteen months ago. Little Gus is simply precious. His giggles of delight cause me to “smile all over.” When he runs toward me, my cynicism evaporates and my world lights up. I would risk my life for him. Being with little Gus is “living in Love.”

I wonder what it might be like to live every moment of my life as I did when I was with sister Sue and as I do when I am with little Gus. I wonder what it might it be like to relate to the whole creation this way – with every person on earth including my enemies – with animals, trees, mountains and rivers. What it might be like to stare at the moon and stars on a cloudless night “living in Love?”

We are challenged today:

• To have the creativity and courage to live into our full humanity
• To translate the insights of ancient wisdom into more contemporary understandings
• To explore living in Love in a more cosmic sense
• To let go of old patterns for the sake of Life

I can describe this journey by paraphrasing the introduction to the old Star Trek episodes:

Future: The final frontier

To explore strange new worlds

To seek out new life and new ways of being

To boldly go where humanity has never gone before.

Like the crew of the Starship Enterprise, we are being challenged to travel into the unknown, motivated by Life and living in Love.

As the new life of spring emerges from the death of winter, we are challenged to allow new life to spring from us in the midst of our dying age.

Whatever your world view, your values or your life practices and experiences, I invite you to join me in this endeavor⁸.

I will continue this exploration in my next post

1. The Human Being: Jesus and the Enigma of the Son of the Man by Walter Wink - book review by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat - http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/books/books.php?id=3602
2. The Universe Story by Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry book review by Bob Nichols, https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/202229491
3. See the baptism account where Jesus is affirmed as a beloved son of God. Mark 1:9-11, Matthew 3:13-17, Luke 3:21-22
4. See the wilderness temptations of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13 and Mark 1:12-13
5. See Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane before his execution by Roman authorities in Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, Luke 22:39-46
6. History of extinctions - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_event
7. See 1 John 4:7-21 for the phrase “God is love"
8. The link below connects to a video, the second half of which resonates for me with what I am trying to describe in this post. http://www.upworthy.com/hes-speaking-shes-playing-and-im-just-over-here-trying-to-pick-my-jaw-up-off-the-floor?g=6

NOT MINE ALONE

Frank's Story

I met Frank* at a shared table in a crowded coffee shop - a middle aged man, slightly balding. He was reading a paper and whistling softly to himself, improvising to the muzak. "Are you a musician?" I asked. "Used to be." "What do you mean by that?" “Do you really want to know?" "Yes, if you're willing to tell me."

I'm a classically trained pianist - Juilliard. I was a child prodigy. I performed with a number of symphony orchestras. I also did some composing. Later my interests migrated from classical to jazz. I combined classical riffs with old school blues. People marked me as a real comer in the jazz scene.

When I was on stage, I was in my medium. It was me and the crowd. I was at the top of my game. I had wealthy friends, fast cars, money and fame. These things were the measure of my success. The trouble was, I didn't relate well to people.

I believed I was the best, and I wanted everyone to know it. I was a real jerk with my band. I'd follow a solo by one of the guys with one of my own as if to say, "I'm the real star here." I didn't hang out with other musicians. They knew I was talented, but they never really accepted me. I heard later that one of my band members said he felt like a stage prop, a bit of glitz to enhance my performances.

Eventually, the really talented musicians left my band. I continued on, but never made the big time. As my career declined, I craved the idolization of my fans, almost like a drunk craves another drink. I needed to maintain the illusion that I was important, worthwhile and in control.

Finally, my wife, Elaine, put it to me in terms I could not ignore. “Frank," she said, “either you change your ways or we are through.” “You're a middle aged man. You've squandered your talent. You'll never again be a concert pianist or a top jazz performer. You have few real fans. Your high living friends will dump you as soon as you run out of money. I love you, but I can't watch you destroy yourself through your delusions."

Elaine's ultimatum was like a blow to the gut. My world came crashing down around me as the truth of her statements hit home. Were it not for Elaine, I would have slid further into a world of alcohol and drugs. As it was, I was so depressed I was hospitalized for a few months in a treatment facility.

Finally, I began to face the facts of my life. I was born with huge potential, a prospect for greatness that was never realized. I still had a decade or two left to live. It was mine to decide if I was going to give up or deal with the shambles of my life? If I was going to deal, I needed help from Elaine and others. I had special gifts, but so does every human. My sense of specialness and entitlement had isolated me from myself and others.

I stopped attending the high roller parties. I went to jazz clubs to enjoy the performances, not to be recognized. I relaxed. I worried less about my image. I stopped assuming that high quality music could only be performed by well known musicians in certain venues. I began to listen to street musicians, young people with great potential who could never afford a conservatory education. Many of these kids would spend their lives in prison because poverty excluded them from the opportunities I had squandered.

Slowly a vision developed, one in which I could invest my life. I would use my performance abilities, my compositional skills and my knowledge of the jazz scene to help a few of these kids become the musicians I had never become. With the support of Elaine and a few friends, I developed a small music school in the inner city.

As the school grew, I noticed a shift in myself. I didn't need to be the star. I was part of something bigger. I experienced a burst of creative energy greater even than when I was a concert pianist or a jazz performer. I was involved in something worth while, something good and meaningful. I was using my full potential and enjoying it.

I never spoke to Frank again, but his story will be with me forever.

Our Story

Frank's story is not Frank's alone. It is our story, the story of our nation.

Like Frank, when confronted by Elaine, we need to face the facts of our own national history. The founders of our nation dreamed of a democracy where its citizens had the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Even with the sorry chapters of our treatment of Native Americans and our history of slavery, our nation carried with it a prospect for greatness. But we, like Frank, have squandered our talent. We are middle aged as a society. We will never again be the super power, the uncontested beacon of hope that we were in our formative years. We have become one nation among many in a newly developing global culture. We are acknowledged for our economic and military power. But many in other nations view us with hatred and suspicion. As I concluded in my last post, Why Do We Do It?, “We live in a culture that is addicted to material possessions and to dominance of those who stand in the way of our accumulation of these possessions.”

It is ours to decide whether we are going to continue in our addictive patterns or whether we are going to deal with the shambles of our national life.

We can give up in denial and continue in our national assumption of American exceptionalism and entitlement. This isolates us from humankind in a little bubble of our own making, a kind of idolatry – a worship of our false image of greatness. Inevitably, this will lead to our downfall.

If we choose to deal with our addiction, we can reappraise our national policies and behaviors in view of our moral failures. We can look to others for help, realizing that we are not in control of life on our planet. We can define ourselves less in terms of material possessions and international domination, and more in terms of participation with others. We can choose to utilize our talents, experience and creative energy in new ways to benefit a global family, that is itself in danger of extinction

This requires each of us engaging the depth within ourselves that gives meaning to our lives. For some, this depth will be found in the traditional religious and spiritual paths that have served well in the past - Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, etc. For others this depth will involve life style and world-view modifications precipitated by cutting edge insights like those related to the Mind and Life Institute¹, the processes of the New Consciousness², psychological insights like those of Wolfgang Giegerich³ and Evolutionary Spirituality⁴, to name a few. Some will engage this personal depth in new age spiritualities^5,6. Still others may be transformed by compassion as they reach out to the poor and oppressed, as happened with Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Oscar Romero.

Whatever our spiritual practices or non-practices, this shift in national direction and attitude requires that we each participate by engaging the dynamic that gives meaning to our lives and enhances life for all humanity.

One thing is certain. The collective path that we develop as a nation and culture must be a collaborative one. We are long past the time when we can afford the luxury of demonizing or discounting the religious, spiritual, political and psychological practices of others whose world views and experiences differ from our own. Each person's path to meaning contains insights that can be of value in these times, as we humbly reassess what it means to be fully human. In this process, it is important that we each follow our own paths to meaning with integrity. Only then can we contribute to the good of the whole.

Finally, we must be open to the new and innovative possibilities even as we are guided by our personal practices. A new consciousness is arising in our species. This consciousness is grounded in an understanding of our commonality as humans and in our participation with the generative and inventive qualities of the cosmos.

If we can appreciate the fact that humanity has far greater potential than previously realized, we will obtain insights that we had never dreamed of. This, I believe is our task. We need to take from the past, that which is helpful and compassionate. We need simultaneously, to engage future possibilities that enhance our humanity and adaptability. We, the human ones, are challenged to provide the continuity between that which has been and that which is becoming. This, like Frank's little community school, is a task worthy of us, an engagement that involves something good and meaningful that will extend far beyond our limited efforts. I will speak more of this in my next post.

* Frank is a composite of several remarkable people I have met.

1. http://www.mindandlife.org/collaborators/ a collaboration between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and a growing international network of researchers investigating the effects of contemplative-based practices on the brain, human biology and behavior
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consciousness#Neural_correlates
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfgang_Giegerich
4. http://www.universespirit.org/evolutionary-spirituality-definition-principles-history-aka-universe-spirituality-eco-spirituality
5. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age
6. http://www.religioustolerance.org/newage.htm

WHY DO WE DO IT?

 My last blog entry, Violence & Addiction, described the tragic massacre/suicide of 28 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I observed that our society promotes addictive tendencies that isolate us from one another and erode compassion. These dynamics create fertile soil for violence like that of Newtown, Connecticut.

Since then the violence has continued: Two young men exploded bombs at the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring hundreds. These men later shot and killed a policeman and wounded another before they were both hit by gun fire, one killed and the other apprehended.

A fire and explosion at a fertilizer plant in West, Texas killed 15 and wounded 200, many of them first responders coming to put out the fire. Records indicate that the owners of the plant had violated safety regulations for years.

A building housing a clothing factory, collapsed in a Bangladesh. Reuters reported¹:

The factory collapse in Bangladesh that killed over 300 people this week is a stark reminder of the risks in the global retail industry's search for cheap production. . . About 18 months before the previous big tragedy in Bangladesh - a fire in November in a textile factory that killed 112 people - shareholders at Wal-Mart Stores Inc had the opportunity to weigh in on the safety question. By a nearly 50-to-1 margin, they rejected a proposal to require suppliers to report annually on safety issues at their factories. In arguing against the proposal, Wal-Mart's management made its reasoning clear: Having suppliers compile such reports "could ultimately lead to higher costs for Walmart and higher prices for our customers. This would not be in the best interests of Walmart's shareholders and customers and would place Walmart at a competitive disadvantage," the company said in proxy materials.

Disasters such as the April 24 collapse of an eight-story factory building in Bangladesh have not changed the calculation for apparel makers and retailers. Cheaper products appeal to shoppers. And the taint, if any, appears to be manageable.

Recently two articles appeared in the national press marking the tenth anniversary of the second Iraq war. The articles, written by US Servicemen who served in Iraq, describe this war as a foreign policy blunder and a human tragedy of monumental proportions.

One, officer John A. Nagl states:²

The costs of the second war, which began 10 years ago this week, are staggering: nearly 4,500 Americans killed and more than 30,000 wounded, many grievously; tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis wounded or killed; more than $2 trillion in direct government expenditures; and the significant weakening of the major regional counterweight to Iran and consequent strengthening of that country’s position and ambitions. Great powers rarely make national decisions that explode so quickly and completely in their face.

The other, Thomas Young speaks more personally:³

The Last Letter

To: George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

From: Tomas Young

I write this letter on the 10th anniversary of the Iraq War on behalf of the 4,488 soldiers and Marines who died in Iraq. I write this letter on behalf of the hundreds of thousands of veterans who have been wounded and on behalf of those whose wounds, physical and psychological, have destroyed their lives. . . I write this letter on behalf of those veterans whose trauma and self-revulsion for what they have witnessed, endured and done in Iraq have led to suicide and on behalf of the active-duty soldiers and Marines who commit, on average, a suicide a day.

. . . I want to make it clear that I, and hundreds of thousands of my fellow veterans, along with millions of my fellow citizens, along with hundreds of millions more in Iraq and the Middle East, know fully who you are and what you have done. . . I would not have to lie in my bed, my body filled with painkillers, my life ebbing away, and deal with the fact that hundreds of thousands of human beings, including children, including myself, were sacrificed by you for little more than the greed of oil companies, for your alliance with the oil sheiks in Saudi Arabia, and your insane visions of empire. . .

Last month, the United States Senate defeated two legislative proposals: 1) that would require universal background checks of all people purchasing fire arms and 2) that would limit the size of ammo clips that could be attached to guns. This was done, knowing these measures were supported by the majority of voters, and after hearing the tearful pleas for passage by the parents of the children killed in Newtown. They apparently acted in this way fearful that the NRA would mobilize against their re-elections.

What is it in our national spirit that allows us to sanction the injury and deaths of hundreds of thousands of people to provide us with gas for our cars, cheaper clothes & food, and the right to carry military weapons on our streets?

These sacrifices of human life are horrendous. We barely take notice; feeling little connection with those who suffer for our life style and political decisions. In most cases we aren't even aware of these people. They are killed and maimed by institutional structures (governmental policies and corporate actions) that isolate us from the carnage. The people killed and maimed are no more than statistics reported on the daily news along with sports scores and weather predictions.

In ancient times, such national behaviors were challenged as idolatrous. The people of Israel were condemned by the prophets for worshipping the false gods of money and domination rather than Yahweh, the God of mercy, justice and love. The people were instructed to repent in sack cloth and ashes to avoid judgement. In our post-Christian and post-religious society, such images carry little weight. The idea of fearing the wrath and judgement of God seems almost laughable in our present culture.

Because of this reality, I am choosing to discuss these issues using the language of addiction rather than religion. We live in an addictive and addicted culture. These addictive qualities affect and infect the very structures of our society.

Let me remind you of the dynamics of addiction. Addiction is the compulsive acting out of behaviors in the irrational belief that these behaviors will allow us to feel worthy and whole. These behaviors, whether they involve alcohol and other drugs, over-consumption, sex, food or domination, are incapable of providing a sense of wholeness and self worth. The opposite is often the case. After acting out, the addict feels shame, remorse & guilt that increase a sense of self loathing and that further erode a healthy self image. Even so, the addict continues to repeat the behaviors in the insane belief that the next compulsive round will make things better.

The deeper a person descends into the addictive cycle, the more s/he denies and rationalizes what is happening. “My behavior is not out of control.” “I can stop if I want to.” As the denial and rationalization increase, the addict withdraws from reality into his/her own little world. S/he begins to lead a double life – a normal life with family, work and friends and a secret life driven by the compulsion to act out. Unless the addict faces the fact that his/her life is out of control and that s/he needs help, the result will be personal catastrophe and even death. The greatest tragedy in all of this is that the addictive compulsion separates the addict from the very life force that s/he so desperately wants to experience.

The addictive dimensions of a culture are even more difficult to define than personal addictions, because everything is once removed. Denial and rationalization are almost a given. We say, “It is not my actions that are problematic. It's the actions of big corporation or big government.” “I want to get a bargain on my clothes, but I'm not personally responsible for how clothes are manufactured.” “I don't want gasoline rationed. But I'm not wasting gas.” “I want reasonably priced fruit, vegetables and meat, which take fertilizer; but I don't waste food.” “I want the right to carry a weapon if that make me feel safe.” We say these things, and we mean them.

Because most of us are not personally addicted, it's difficult to identify our cultural patterns as addictive. We have grown accustomed to our life style, and we are unwilling to change it. It is tough to face the fact that our life style is precipitating cycles of violence and suffering in the world.

We participate in a national belief system, or faith if you wish, which professes that personal and societal wholeness and happiness are dependent on material possessions and personal autonomy. We honestly believe that personal wealth and independence lead to happiness. Our corporations participate in the same belief. Their managers assume that the more wealth they can acquire through technology, production and unrestrained growth, the healthier and more beneficial the corporation will be.

It's not that material possessions and autonomy are bad in themselves, anymore than food, drink, sex, or personal independence are bad. It's only when these things are pursued as a substitute for that which gives life its fulness and meaning that they are destructive. Just like the alcoholic whose drinking leads to family problems and loss of a job, our cultural addiction is leading to unhealthy consequences and national decline.

Some signs of this decline include the increase in violence at home and abroad resulting from our political and economic policies; the dysfunction in our political system that is driven by party loyalty and the desire to be re-elected rather than to serve the citizens; economic deterioration; environmental degradation - particularly global warming, and excessive consumption of global resources that leaves the majority of people in the world living in illness and poverty.⁴

As with the individual, our addictive cultural patterns creep up on us, denied and ignored, until we face a crisis. In fact, our cultural compulsion to accumulate and control resembles the patterns of drug addicts who steal even from family members to get another hit.

We are still the most powerful nation in the world. And we are in jeopardy. We lack a national vision and sense of purpose. We throw our weight around to prove our superiority. We dominate and control so that we can consume and live as we choose, in the insane belief that this will make us happy.

How can we, as a nation, come to our senses and realize that things are beyond our control? We can't fix ourselves, even through legislation. We need to tap into that spirit and vision that made our nation great. This vision is stated eloquently in the words of Emma Lazarus, inscribed on the Statue of Liberty:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses, yearning to breath free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

There is something of great power deep in the American spirit that must be re-engaged in these times. The faith as stated by our fore-mothers and fore-fathers has little meaning for many of us today. It is our task to restate this faith for our times, to engage something deep within ourselves that enables us to work together for a global society where there is “liberty and justice for all.”

In our increasingly interdependent world, it is essential that we look to our better angels⁵ and rely on a power that transcends that which is consuming us. We need to discover again what it means to Live With Soul.*

* I will write more about this in my next reflection.

1. Reuters - Analysis: Bangladesh still works for retailers, despite disasters - Nivedita Bhattacharjee and Jessica Wohl - Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:05am EDT
2. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/20/opinion/the-silver-linings-of-iraq.html
3. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/tomas-young-dying-iraq-war-veteran-writes-last-letter-to-bush-and-cheney-20130320
4. The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. The richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income. http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats
5. "better angels" used in Abraham Lincoln's first innagral address

VIOLENCE AND ADDICTION

My heart aches as I visualize the horror and tragedy of the Newtown, Connecticut massacre. What must have been going through Adam Lanza's mind as he killed his mom, 6 school staff and 20 children, before taking his own life? How could anyone slaughter defenseless children, innocents like my grandson, 'little Gus' – children who had not begun to achieve their potential, who were trusting and full of life?

Certainly we need to act in the short term to curb this kind of violence. We need to limit the use of guns, particularly assault rifles and other weapons designed for killing people. We need mandatory background checks with waiting periods for all people purchasing guns. We need to treat gun violence as a health crisis while providing mental health programs for those in need of them.

Still, as I listen to the blaming and political posturing attendant to this calamity, I have the uncomfortable feeling that such programs alone are insufficient. I believe that I, and many other Americans, am complicit in this violence. Our complicity lies in the fact that we have failed to treat the addictive patterns that infect our society and breed violence. The 'We' in “We the People” is largely absent. We have little ability to identify with the distress of others. Hence, our desire to alleviate this distress has been deadened.

We are isolated from one another, and isolation kills compassion. Violence flourishes because we no longer look out for each other. We respond only when we are directly threatened.

It is easy to blame this lack of caring on the political and religious divisiveness in our society. Liberals blame the NRA and conservatives for the violence. Conservatives blame liberals whose big government policies are threatening individual freedoms. It is true that such divisiveness corrodes our unity. Yet, I feel there is another dynamic at work; a dynamic that functions at an almost unconscious level.

We live in a society that promotes addiction.

We are bombarded by messages telling us to strive for some sort of societal ideal. If I exercise, I can look like the body builder in the TV commercial. If I participate in a self improvement program, I can become the perfect husband and parent. If I enroll in a particular educational curriculum, I will be successful in my work. Even our religious groups are caught in this dynamic. If I attend a particular faith community, I will be saved from the problems that confront me.

This addictive dynamic affects us all.

I have come to realize that I am a work-o-holic. I'm addicted to work. My drive to promote justice in Madison Urban Ministry (MUM) had a compulsive dynamic. At one level, I worked through MUM because I was concerned for those treated unjustly. At another level, I worked to fix my low self image. I sought to earn the admiration of men and the adoration of women through my work. My family suffered. In fact my wife said that MUM was my mistress. My compulsion put my health in jeopardy. I pushed myself, continually seeking another fix, until my body gave out with chronic fatigue.

As with all addictions, my fixes were short lived. The more I tried, the more inadequate I felt. There was always another issue, another conflict, another venue in which I sought affirmation. I tried to hide my real self from others, posing as the super organizer in control of every situation. Since I hadn't learned to accept my limitations and inadequacies, I denied or criticized those parts of myself that I consider flawed or undesirable. I wasn't able to “Fail With Soul.” (See my last blog entry.) The more this pretending and denying continued, the more isolated I became. I can now understand why many community organizers are 'lone rangers.' In my isolation, it was 'me against the world.'

Unlike addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex and food, addiction to work (and its attendant addictions to money, power and consumer goods) is explicitly fostered in our culture. I thought I could be successful through my compulsive attention to work. What I couldn't comprehend was that success in my work couldn't fill that empty space in my soul. That space yearned for self acceptance, not acceptance from others.

You may not be addicted according to the clinical definition of the word. But I'll bet you are prone to engage in some patterns in your life in the hope that these patterns will increase your sense of self worth. Perhaps your exercise regimen has a compulsive edge. Maybe your diet consciousness is a bit driven. Perhaps you depend on relationships with family members to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe you use leisure activities as a way of escaping from your own self critical tendencies.

As you consider these dynamics in your life that potentially isolate you from others, be assured that I'm not condemning these dynamics in themselves. Exercise, family time, delicious food and satisfying work can be blessings that enhance life.

What I am suggesting is that our cultural patterns promote addictions. That is to say, our culture promises us satisfaction and wholeness if we embrace certain conventions. This promise is bogus. Outward patterns won't yield acceptance. This is an internal dynamic. If you find yourself depending on a particular practice to give meaning to your life, ask if this dynamic isolates you from the stranger and deadens your compassion for those outside your immediate circle of family and friends. This same dynamic may also isolate you from yourself, particularly from those parts which you don't like very much.

Twelve step programs have proven helpful to folks who are strongly addicted. I am suggesting that the twelve steps may also be helpful in dealing with the addictive or compulsive tendencies in our lives, even if we are not addicted in the clinical sense. Step one challenges us to admit that we are not in control of our lives. In this context, step one challenges us to admit that the addictive patterns in the culture control us unconsciously. Steps two and three, contend that there is a higher power that can be relied upon for assistance. For some this higher power is God, in the traditional sense. For others it may be a support group or some other aspect of their lives. Abraham Lincoln referred to this higher power as our “better angels¹ .”

Steps four through ten challenge us to acknowledge our short comings and to take responsibility for actions that have harmed ourselves and others. This is an opportunity to embrace our true selves, warts and all. This is also an opportunity to bring to consciousness the ways in which cultural attitudes and patterns are affecting us.  Steps eleven and twelve, encourage us to continue and to engage others on the journey.

This then is my hope. If a committed number of us could embark on this journey, it might be possible to transform the addictive patterns of our society. Then perhaps, our children would have the opportunity to grow up to be healthy and loving people.

This will take courage. It takes courage to name and accept our own shortcomings without turning to addictive patterns that we hope will save us. It takes courage to name the shortcomings of our society with love and acceptance rather than condemnation. It takes courage to admit that we may need to rely on our “better angels” to redeem our destructive cultural patterns.

It's scary to embrace Adam Lanza and his mother with compassion even as we embrace the families of the twenty-six children and adults killed by Adam Lanza.

Living with Soul is not a sentimental reality in some ideal world. Living with Soul is a gritty possibility in our real world. In light of the Newtown massacre it may literally be a matter of life and death.

1) Better Angels – used in the closing paragraph of Lincoln's First Inaugural Address

Failing With Soul

Have you ever given something your best shot and felt you didn't measure up? Perhaps you prepared a meal for guests that just didn't make it. Sure it was OK, but it wasn't excellent. Maybe you participated in a sporting event and didn't place as highly as you would have liked. Perhaps you gave a presentation that seemed pretty good, but when compared to those of others seemed pretty ordinary.

I had such an experience recently. I was asked to facilitate a meeting, something I have done hundreds of times. This meeting was out of town, with a group I had never met. I did my homework, talked with representatives of the group, and prepared an outline for the day.

At the meeting site, I met with staff and prepared the room. I was excited as I introduced myself. Then things began to go awry. My facilitation questions were met with resistance and finally open hostility. Someone said, “Why don't you just let us discuss without interrupting.” This had never happened before. I felt like a vaudeville performer who had been yanked from the stage with a hook, because the audience booed his performance.

After the meeting, there were some, “Thank you for being with us,” comments. But that was it. I left and proceeded to the Amtrak station for my journey home.

While on the train, I thought long and hard about what had happened. One voice in me was defensive and angry. It shouted, “They weren't clear in what they wanted!” “They were biased against an outside facilitator.” “They were arrogant and elitist.”

Another voice was self accusatory. “You didn't prepare well enough.” “You don't have the skills to facilitate people as talented and experienced as these.” “You should not have taken on this task.”

Through it all, another voice spoke quietly in the background. “Whatever the reasons for this discouraging experience, you can learn from it.” “Perhaps you engaged a task that exceeded your present abilities.” “Maybe this experience is preparing you for opportunities that you have not yet envisioned.” “Is it possible that your explicit vulnerability and lack of defensiveness were vehicles for greater understanding on the part of the group?”

Then the thought came, “How is this experience related to 'Living With Soul?'” “What might it mean to 'Fail with Soul?'”

I remembered the Ray Charles quote, “Soul is like electricity – we don't really know what it is, but it's a force that can light up a room.” Up to now, I had tacitly assumed that this soul energy was positive and energizing. I now saw that living with Soul may lead to vulnerability and sadness. Ray Charles knew this truth. He put it this way, “There's nothing written in the Bible, Old or New testament, that says, ''If you believe in Me, you ain't going to have no troubles.” (As you may remember, Ray Charles gradually went blind between the ages of five and seven from untreated glaucoma.)

If living with Soul doesn't guarantee a happy or successful life, what good is it? I'm beginning to believe that living with Soul helps me to become more authentic. Authentic people seem to accept themselves with all their strengths and weaknesses. They don't have to pretend as much. They don't expend as much energy convincing themselves that they are more than they really are. They seem less defensive when confronted with their deficits and less inflated when they excel.

They are inspiring to be around. When they lead, they are worth following. When they follow, they embolden those whom they identify as leaders. They make good advisors because they “tell it like it is.”

People who fail with Soul, truly authentic people, are scary to be around. They needn't tear others down or build them up to gain an advantage. They don't play the “get ahead” games that our society encourages. They implicitly challenge these narcissistic patterns by their very presence. Authentic people strip off our masks and pretenses. They encourage those around them to grow into their own personal potentials.

Living with Soul means that we will fail with Soul even as we succeed with Soul. In fact, living with Soul challenges the very meaning of success and failure. It's not about winning and losing. It's about being all that we are and helping everyone else be all that they are. This “all” includes all my positive traits as well as all of my negative ones. This kind of living makes life real and valuable.

Perhaps my humbling experience was a gift to me and to the participants of this meeting. Maybe it provided each of us an opportunity to step out of our personal self-defined little boxes - an opportunity to view ourselves, the organizations with which we work, and our social milieu with a new clarity and perspective.

I would be interested in your stories about failing to meet your own expectations.