THE MANY FACES OF LOVE

We recently celebrated Valentine's day, the day we give flowers, candy hearts, stuffed animals and beautiful cards to one another. We delight in love stories where the characters live happily ever after. We cherish joyful times with our family and friends. Our hearts melt in the presence of little children.

Yet love, real love, also causes pain. To love is to be vulnerable. When we love, we are no longer in control. We suffer loss.

I was reminded of this several days ago. I woke to find that Jean was not in bed. This is not unusual, as she rises before me and heads to a local pond where she sits in front of “Timothy's Tree” to read, think and take photos. Timothy, our son, died four years ago. We love him dearly.

This morning was different. As I climbed onto my exercise bike, I noticed that the house was dark. Jean usually turns on a kitchen light when she leaves. I called to her, but no response. Immediately fear kicked in. Maybe she had a medical emergency and was collapsed on the floor.

I hurried downstairs calling her name. Then I spotted the note she leaves for me when she departs. I heaved a sigh of relief and climbed back upstairs to continue my exercise.

I remember another time when I panicked like this. We were graduate students, living in St. Louis. Jean went grocery shopping one night and was delayed. This was before we had cell phones. I literally paced the apartment until she returned.

I love my wife, but I'm not good at telling her. I realize my love mainly at times when I'm afraid that I might lose her. This is certainly true with our son, Timothy. We realize how much we love him, now that he is gone.

Death is not the only loss we suffer in love. We suffer the pain of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. There is the agony of betrayal – being betrayed and betraying. We anguish over missed opportunities that are forever gone. There are the decisions made that one wishes one had made differently. We experience unforeseen events, the accidents that forever change things. There are the ruptures in relationships where love turns to hatred, anger and frustration over what might have been and can never be.

We love animals as well as well as people. Two little dogs filled our lives with joy. We had to euthanize each of them as they grew old and infirm. It was torture holding them as the poison was injected, and their little bodies went limp.

Some of us are pained by the loss of any kind of life. I remember biking one spring in Madison, when I approached an intersection with a stop sign. A baby robin was perched near the rear wheel of a car at that intersection. I raced toward the car waving my hand. The car moved forward crushing the little bird.

Another time, while driving on a local street, I saw a seagull flopping in the road. I jammed on my breaks, blocking traffic, and raced to pick up the injured bird. As I carried it from the road, it's struggling ceased. I placed it gently under some shrubs, its final resting place.

I grieve when I see trees dying near highways, killed by the excess salt spread in the winter. I grieve for forests destroyed by clear cutting and corn fields covered over by asphalt for shopping malls. I grieve for animals who are butchered under inhumane conditions by giant food conglomerates. I grieve for all plants and animals that suffer due to human carelessness and callousness.

Love connects us in many ways. I am connected to people who irritate me when I pray for my enemies. I have few warm feelings toward these people. I don't love them like I love family members and friends. I won't send them bouquets of hearts and flowers. Yet prayer alters my attitude toward them. They are no longer objects of hate or ridicule. I realize that we are similar in many respects. We are connected in our common humanity.

Most of us have been conditioned to experience love as personal, romantic and spiritual. There is nothing wrong with this. It's beautiful and important. But it is only part of the picture. There is a deeper dimension of love. It's not emotional. It's something more. Ram Dass described it this way, “Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It's not 'I love you' for this or that reason, not 'I love you if you love me.' It's love for no reason, love without an object.” For me, this love involves a realization that I am part of the whole cosmos, and this cosmos is part of me. In this love, there is no more “we and they.” We are all one.

We need this dimension of love today as we are confronted with human tragedies on a massive scale. Ten countries face humanitarian catastrophe in 2019, due to armed conflicts, economic collapse and climate related events. These result in internal or external displacement (refugees). These countries include Yemen, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Sudan, Afghanistan, Venezuela, Central African Republic, Syria, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and Somalia. Around 40 million people have been displaced across the world, with the top 10 countries accounting for over half - or nearly 22 million - of those displacements. These 10 countries also account for at least 13 million refugees, 65 percent of the global total, plus an additional three million people who have fled Venezuela. According to the United Nations, nearly 132 million people in 42 countries around the world will need humanitarian assistance, including protection, in 2019.ⁱ

This is not all. Humankind faces the possibility of extinction due to two other crises. The first is climate change due to global warming. The second is the loss of biodiversity due to climate change and population increase. A major report produced by theWorld Wildlife Fund finds that the vast and growing consumption of food and resources by the global population is destroying the web of life. This web was billions of years in the making. It is the web upon which human society ultimately depends for clean air, water and everything else. Many scientists believe the world has begun a sixth mass extinction, the first to be caused by a species – Homo sapiens. Other recent analyses have revealed that humankind has destroyed 83% of all mammals and 50% of plants since the dawn of civilization. Even if the destruction were to end now, it would take 5-7 million years for the natural world to recover.^{ii iii}

When faced with statistics such as these, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the issues. Even when we see graphic photos that grip us emotionally, we soon suffer from compassion fatigue because the pain of such horrendous suffering is too great to bear.

Our global cultures are awash in patterns of distrust, division, domination and violence. Life on our planet is threatened by global warming, overpopulation and diminishing biodiversity. Yet I still have hope. I have hope because everyday people are moved by unconditional love which is part of our deep inner being, love for no reason and love without an object.^iv This is the love that motivated Jesus as he spoke about the Kingdom or Reign of God.^v Founders of other religious/spiritual traditions stated this truth in similar ways.

We can observe this unconditional love in action if we just look for it. It was evident when Rep. Elijah Cummings recently concluded the House Oversight Committee's questioning of Michael Cohen with an impassioned plea for preservation of that which makes our democracy great.^vi

We observed it in June 2018 when Liz Theoharis and William Barber II reignited, the Poor People’s Campaign initiated by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.^vii

It was apparent in 2012 when Malala Yousafzai, age 15, was shot in the head by the Taliban in Pakistan. The assassination attempt was a response to her stand for the right of girls to gain an education after the Taliban had banned them from attending school. In 2014 she became the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize laureate. Motivated by love, she leads pioneering change in attitudes towards women, children, inequality and education in Asian countries.^viii I am certain you can name others who behave in this way from your personal experience.

This is why I have hope. Everyday people are responding in unconditional love. Let us each heed this call that is part of our deep inner being. Rabindranath Tagore put it this way: “Love is the only reality and it is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.”

The Patience of Ordinary Things^ix

by Pat Schneider

It is a kind of love, is it not?

How the cup holds the tea,

How the chair stands sturdy and foursquare,

How the floor receives the bottoms of shoes

Or toes. How soles of feet know

Where they’re supposed to be.

I’ve been thinking about the patience

Of ordinary things, how clothes

Wait respectfully in closets

And soap dries quietly in the dish,

And towels drink the wet

From the skin of the back.

And the lovely repetition of stairs.

And what is more generous than a window?

Another River: New and Selected Poems (Amherst Writers and Artists Press, 2005).

ihttps://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/inpictures/top-10-countries-risk-humanitarian-disaster-2019-181213184843061.html

iihttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/oct/30/humanity-wiped-out-animals-since-1970-major-report-finds

iiihttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/nov/03/stop-biodiversity-loss-or-we-could-face-our-own-extinction-warns-un

ivSee Ram Dass quote above.

vFor further discussion of this see Richard Rohr's new book, “The Universal Christ” at <https://store.cac.org/products/companion-guide-for-groups-the-universal-christvariant=21757908516948&_ga=2.220433560.1487970427.1551823633-1167299654.1551823633>

vihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72gy-LZ4UN0

viihttps://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org

viiihttps://charterforcompassion.org/women-justice-and-compassion/23-inspiring-women-fighting-for-women

ixThank you Bill Rettig for sharing this poem at the end of this reflection.