NOT MINE ALONE

Frank's Story

I met Frank* at a shared table in a crowded coffee shop - a middle aged man, slightly balding. He was reading a paper and whistling softly to himself, improvising to the muzak. "Are you a musician?" I asked. "Used to be." "What do you mean by that?" “Do you really want to know?" "Yes, if you're willing to tell me."

I'm a classically trained pianist - Juilliard. I was a child prodigy. I performed with a number of symphony orchestras. I also did some composing. Later my interests migrated from classical to jazz. I combined classical riffs with old school blues. People marked me as a real comer in the jazz scene.

When I was on stage, I was in my medium. It was me and the crowd. I was at the top of my game. I had wealthy friends, fast cars, money and fame. These things were the measure of my success. The trouble was, I didn't relate well to people.

I believed I was the best, and I wanted everyone to know it. I was a real jerk with my band. I'd follow a solo by one of the guys with one of my own as if to say, "I'm the real star here." I didn't hang out with other musicians. They knew I was talented, but they never really accepted me. I heard later that one of my band members said he felt like a stage prop, a bit of glitz to enhance my performances.

Eventually, the really talented musicians left my band. I continued on, but never made the big time. As my career declined, I craved the idolization of my fans, almost like a drunk craves another drink. I needed to maintain the illusion that I was important, worthwhile and in control.

Finally, my wife, Elaine, put it to me in terms I could not ignore. “Frank," she said, “either you change your ways or we are through.” “You're a middle aged man. You've squandered your talent. You'll never again be a concert pianist or a top jazz performer. You have few real fans. Your high living friends will dump you as soon as you run out of money. I love you, but I can't watch you destroy yourself through your delusions."

Elaine's ultimatum was like a blow to the gut. My world came crashing down around me as the truth of her statements hit home. Were it not for Elaine, I would have slid further into a world of alcohol and drugs. As it was, I was so depressed I was hospitalized for a few months in a treatment facility.

Finally, I began to face the facts of my life. I was born with huge potential, a prospect for greatness that was never realized. I still had a decade or two left to live. It was mine to decide if I was going to give up or deal with the shambles of my life? If I was going to deal, I needed help from Elaine and others. I had special gifts, but so does every human. My sense of specialness and entitlement had isolated me from myself and others.

I stopped attending the high roller parties. I went to jazz clubs to enjoy the performances, not to be recognized. I relaxed. I worried less about my image. I stopped assuming that high quality music could only be performed by well known musicians in certain venues. I began to listen to street musicians, young people with great potential who could never afford a conservatory education. Many of these kids would spend their lives in prison because poverty excluded them from the opportunities I had squandered.

Slowly a vision developed, one in which I could invest my life. I would use my performance abilities, my compositional skills and my knowledge of the jazz scene to help a few of these kids become the musicians I had never become. With the support of Elaine and a few friends, I developed a small music school in the inner city.

As the school grew, I noticed a shift in myself. I didn't need to be the star. I was part of something bigger. I experienced a burst of creative energy greater even than when I was a concert pianist or a jazz performer. I was involved in something worth while, something good and meaningful. I was using my full potential and enjoying it.

I never spoke to Frank again, but his story will be with me forever.

Our Story

Frank's story is not Frank's alone. It is our story, the story of our nation.

Like Frank, when confronted by Elaine, we need to face the facts of our own national history. The founders of our nation dreamed of a democracy where its citizens had the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Even with the sorry chapters of our treatment of Native Americans and our history of slavery, our nation carried with it a prospect for greatness. But we, like Frank, have squandered our talent. We are middle aged as a society. We will never again be the super power, the uncontested beacon of hope that we were in our formative years. We have become one nation among many in a newly developing global culture. We are acknowledged for our economic and military power. But many in other nations view us with hatred and suspicion. As I concluded in my last post, Why Do We Do It?, “We live in a culture that is addicted to material possessions and to dominance of those who stand in the way of our accumulation of these possessions.”

It is ours to decide whether we are going to continue in our addictive patterns or whether we are going to deal with the shambles of our national life.

We can give up in denial and continue in our national assumption of American exceptionalism and entitlement. This isolates us from humankind in a little bubble of our own making, a kind of idolatry – a worship of our false image of greatness. Inevitably, this will lead to our downfall.

If we choose to deal with our addiction, we can reappraise our national policies and behaviors in view of our moral failures. We can look to others for help, realizing that we are not in control of life on our planet. We can define ourselves less in terms of material possessions and international domination, and more in terms of participation with others. We can choose to utilize our talents, experience and creative energy in new ways to benefit a global family, that is itself in danger of extinction

This requires each of us engaging the depth within ourselves that gives meaning to our lives. For some, this depth will be found in the traditional religious and spiritual paths that have served well in the past - Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, etc. For others this depth will involve life style and world-view modifications precipitated by cutting edge insights like those related to the Mind and Life Institute¹, the processes of the New Consciousness², psychological insights like those of Wolfgang Giegerich³ and Evolutionary Spirituality⁴, to name a few. Some will engage this personal depth in new age spiritualities^5,6. Still others may be transformed by compassion as they reach out to the poor and oppressed, as happened with Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Oscar Romero.

Whatever our spiritual practices or non-practices, this shift in national direction and attitude requires that we each participate by engaging the dynamic that gives meaning to our lives and enhances life for all humanity.

One thing is certain. The collective path that we develop as a nation and culture must be a collaborative one. We are long past the time when we can afford the luxury of demonizing or discounting the religious, spiritual, political and psychological practices of others whose world views and experiences differ from our own. Each person's path to meaning contains insights that can be of value in these times, as we humbly reassess what it means to be fully human. In this process, it is important that we each follow our own paths to meaning with integrity. Only then can we contribute to the good of the whole.

Finally, we must be open to the new and innovative possibilities even as we are guided by our personal practices. A new consciousness is arising in our species. This consciousness is grounded in an understanding of our commonality as humans and in our participation with the generative and inventive qualities of the cosmos.

If we can appreciate the fact that humanity has far greater potential than previously realized, we will obtain insights that we had never dreamed of. This, I believe is our task. We need to take from the past, that which is helpful and compassionate. We need simultaneously, to engage future possibilities that enhance our humanity and adaptability. We, the human ones, are challenged to provide the continuity between that which has been and that which is becoming. This, like Frank's little community school, is a task worthy of us, an engagement that involves something good and meaningful that will extend far beyond our limited efforts. I will speak more of this in my next post.

* Frank is a composite of several remarkable people I have met.

1. http://www.mindandlife.org/collaborators/ a collaboration between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and a growing international network of researchers investigating the effects of contemplative-based practices on the brain, human biology and behavior
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consciousness#Neural_correlates
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfgang_Giegerich
4. http://www.universespirit.org/evolutionary-spirituality-definition-principles-history-aka-universe-spirituality-eco-spirituality
5. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age
6. http://www.religioustolerance.org/newage.htm