Engaging the Stranger

Wisconsin's Concealed Carry Law - Part II

In part one of this reflection, I described how fear based legislation like the Concealed Carry Law promotes distrust among our citizens. This distrust poisons and disables the public arena, an arena that is essential to the functioning of a healthy democracy. I concluded by saying that opposition alone to such legislation isn't sufficient. We must reclaim and revitalize the public arena by promoting positive affiliations among strangers.

It is tempting to assume that such efforts require organizing skill and money. It is true that public efforts can be effective. Recently the cable channel, Comedy Central, hosted a program where Moslem, Jewish and Christian stand-up comedians focussed their wits on misunderstandings among these cultural groups. Organizations in a number of American cities have sponsored dialogues on divisive community issues. Interfaith groups seek to promote greater understanding among people of different religious traditions. Organizations like Jim Wallis' Sojourners Community and Rabbi Michael Lerner's Tikkun urge Christians and Jews to work together to oppose unjust systems that oppress the poor. Nonpartisan organizations like ¨Reach Out Wisconsin” are dedicated to fostering respect and understanding in politics during an era when the left and the right seem so divided.

Important as these organized efforts are, we need to recognize that large scale organizations by themselves, will not restore trust in the public arena. Democracy functions best when everyday people, people like you and me, involve themselves. Such involvement allows us to engage one another in all our diversity rather than characterizing one another in terms of one dimensional stereotypes. In the final analysis, such engagement also helps us to know ourselves more completely.

It is important to recognize that engaging people in the public arena doesn't require an organized program on our part. Rather, it involves a change of heart. Our society is filled with interesting individuals, and we come into contact with them daily. It's a matter of recognizing the opportunity and seizing the moment.

I will share a few such moments in my life to peak your imagination:

My wife, Jean, and I have a regular Friday afternoon date at a local buffet. One afternoon, as we were talking, a fellow in the booth behind us interrupted our conversation with the question, “What is the meaning of life for you?” I turned around to see a man and a woman holding a small baby. The man introduced himself and his family. They were visiting the United States from Syria, where they run an English language institute. What followed was a fascinating conversation with strangers who live in a culture different from our own. We have now become facebook friends. Furthermore, this brief encounter heightened my concern about the uprising in Syria, for I could imagine these people trying to survive in that turmoil.

Jean and I have become acquainted with a number of the other “regulars” who eat at this buffet on Fridays. They come from a variety of racial, ethnic and economic situations. Some people I greet, and others I tend to avoid. This was true of one fellow in particular. He dressed in scruffy clothes. He mades racist comments, and he could be surly. Over time I began talking with him. To my surprise, I learned that he is a PhD scientist who is incredibly knowledgeable about politics. He is also an amazing story teller. True, he has his idiosyncrasies, but my life is richer because of him.

My sister, Sue, died last April. During her final months, my siblings and I stayed with her. In the process we got to know some wonderful people who loved her deeply. After her funeral, many of these folks provided us with housing and helped us clear out Sue's house. One family, in particular, was important because they had accepted Sue into their family like a daughter and sister. To thank them for their friendship, we invited them to dinner at a local restaurant. During the meal I shared my concern about the political situation in Wisconsin. One of the men across the table said quietly, “We are Republicans.” Needless to say, I quickly backed off from political discussions. To lighten the moment, others of the family said, “We loved Sue even though she was a Democrat.” Just think, if I had defined these dear and loving people merely by a political stereotype, I would have missed knowing them in our mutual love for Sue.

Last year I attended a rally opposing the amendment to the Wisconsin Constitution that would define marriage as only between a man and a woman. I stood next to a man from an evangelical Christian group who carried a sign saying that homosexuality is a sin. After the rally, I told him that I too was a Christian and that I favored extending the legal rights of married people to gay and lesbian couples. I told him that we may never agree on this issue but that I supported his right to express his views. The conversation continued and concluded with him saying, “You know sometimes we forget the God we worship in these situations. We are like planets circling the Sun who are so concerned about each other that we forget that we are both dependent on the sun.” We parted, “God blessing” each other knowing that we still disagreed on the gay and lesbian issue but having a deeper respect for one another.

I have been friends for a number of years with a woman who has lived in poverty her whole life. I got to know her as an organizer in a low income complex when I worked for MUM, now Madison-area Urban Ministry. Had I stereotyped her as “another poor person,” I would never have gotten to know her in her complexity. She is brilliant, widely read and an artist. Yet, her life experience has beaten her down.

Related to the above mentioned friend, I have a final story about my tendency to stereotype people, and thus to miss knowing them. While I was director of MUM, I was challenged by the chair of my board, a woman who was an executive in a local industry. As I was waxing eloquent about oppression of the poor by the powerful, she remarked, “Chuck you don't like rich people very much do you?” Caught with my assumptions down, I replied defensively, “That's not true. I know that there are good and bad among the rich and the poor.” She looked at me in the way she had of saying, “Come clean Chuck.” Finally, I had to admit to my unthinking bias against the wealthy.

Now that you have heard some of my stories, I wish I could hear yours. Perhaps you can share these stories with friends and family members. In so doing, you are helping to heal “We the People.”

I will close with a final observation. Our democracy, when it is functioning well, enables exchanges among citizens with all of their differences and complexities. As we engage, we bring together an array of resources that stimulate the creative processes that are needed to face the challenges of humanity.

I urge you to work in the political arena to promote the agendas that you value. In the process, recognize that those who oppose you are complex human beings like yourself, who are also committed to their political agendas. Acknowledge that they too have yearnings, fears and hopes.

Don't fall prey to the hate mongers who seek to disable our democratic process by promoting fear and distrust. Be suspicious of those who characterize strangers with one dimensional political, religious or ethnic stereotypes.

Engage people with curiosity and expectation. Nod at those you meet on a public street or in a retail store. Seek out someone you don't know at a holiday party, and introduce yourself. Join with others in cheering for your favorite sports team or in enjoying your favorite coffee shop or restaurant. Promote diversity of belief, race, age and life style in your faith community.

Our lives are too precious to live in fear. Our democratic institutions are too important to allow them to be hijacked by those who would manipulate us by characterizing the stranger as an enemy.

In this holiday season of sister/brotherhood, I wish you the gift of living with soul. Allow love of life in all its forms to fill you and bless you even as you bless others.