I GOTTA BE ME PART 2 - CHALLENGES

I remember my decision to leave physics. I used to think I left because I wasn't capable. This was a destructive childhood tape. (My father died in an automobile accident when I was 4 years old. I was told and expected to be the “man of the family” - a devastating thing to hear; an expectation no little child could ever fulfill.) The truth was, I had no energy for physics. It was tedious. I wanted out. Coupled with this push there was also a pull. I yearned to work with and for oppressed people. Both the push and the pull were vague feelings. I was discontented and antsy. I asked God for assurance. “Please show me some direction in this.” Nothing happened.

Finally, I decided I had to move into this scary transition. We had two little children, and Jean was not then employed outside the home. We were living on income from my post doctoral fellowship at UW, Madison. Then I received a call from John Mulholland, inviting me to attend his seminar for people making radical career transitions. Fortified by this training, I moved forward. When the physics professor for whom I worked discovered my intentions, he decided not to renew my fellowship. Our savings would support us for two months.

In spite of those potential stumbling blocks, I was energized. Secure in an idealistic belief or plain foolhardiness, I continued on. Just before my fellowship expired, a friend at the university employed me part time for three months. He said, “I'm not going to let you starve.”

For nearly two years, I interviewed four people a week in Madison, Milwaukee and Chicago. It was an incredible experience. I met dynamic folk and developed a network of contacts. I gained a new self-confidence and a clearer idea of what I was trying to accomplish.

I called this an existential leap of faith but didn't even know what that meant. I see now that faith is not a matter of belief but a matter of trust, tempered by a good dose of inspiration and determination. Finally, I was offered a job as the first full-time director of the newly founded Madison Urban Ministry (MUM). I had found a path consistent with my deepest self, and I began a career that was energizing and fulfilling.

I wish I could say that we lived happily ever after, but this was not the case. After twenty-five years, I burned out with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, resigned from MUM and went on disability. After a time of convalescence, I embarked on another “career transition.” I became a volunteer Spiritual Guide and seminar leader at Holy Wisdom Monastery. This time there was no well defined “God” to whom I could pray. My God, who previously had evolved from a strict Father figure to a Friend, evaporated into a cloud of unknowing. Then, as now, there is only the yearning that impels me forward.

Being in touch with God or “in the Flow,” doesn't guarantee happiness or satisfaction. The stories of our faith traditions make this abundantly clear. Moses encountered Yahweh in the burning bush.² He and the people of Israel met obstacle after obstacle in the Exodus.

Buddha meditated under the Bohdi tree³ and was tempted by demon images of his past. Evil Spirits brought nightmares.

Jesus was driven by the Spirit into the desert after his baptism epiphany. There he questioned the deepest convictions in his Jewish Psyche.⁴ Many times he was confronted by frustrations and uncertainties. When he prayed in Gethsemane⁵ near the time of his execution I imagine he feared that his whole ministry would end in failure. More poignant yet, he cried in anguish from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.”⁶

Mohammad thought he was going insane after his revelation from Allah in the cave.⁷ He was so distraught that he considered suicide. Yet he followed his vision, struggling to unify the squabbling tribes in the Arabian Peninsula.

Dr. King endured trial after trial in the civil rights struggle. He was promoting the failed “Poor Peoples' March” when he was gunned down by an assassin.⁸

Mother Teresa was tormented by doubts about her faith and the existence of God. During the last half of her life, she told others she felt like a hypocrite.⁹

If following the yearnings of our deepest selves results in challenges such as these, why shouldn't we just “go with the crowd?” Why not try to fit in and win the game by the rules of the dominant culture? Why on earth would Jesus say, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it?”¹⁰ Is there something more important than “making it?” For me, the answer is, “Yes.” If my life has no meaning - if I justify my existence by how I'm perceived by others - if I spend my life just 'putting in my time,' I'm existing in a kind of living death.”

I had a friend, Henry,¹¹ who was gay. He was remarkably talented, but continued to search for the right job or the right partner. He told me once that he and his LGBT friends felt like outcasts, particularly when religious people condemned them. Henry left town, and I lost track of him. Several years later, I asked a friend about him. “Henry died.” I asked, “How?” The friend responded, “Henry was diabetic; and he didn't take care of himself. He stopped taking his medication and ate foods that weren't good for him.” Then he added, “I met Henry's partner at the funeral. He was heartbroken.”

I imagine that Henry found his life intolerable. The negative opinions of others became his self-definition. He felt unworthy and undesirable as a person. His 'living death' became an actual death. What a waste. Henry had so much promise. The prejudice he experienced prevented him from engaging his authentic self.

Life is difficult. It is filled with challenges. Some feel downright evil. It's my experience that God, using traditional language, doesn't save me from challenges. Living in tune with my authentic self may even complicate my life. The journey, then, is not about preserving biological existence. It's about a deeper dimension of living. It's about engaging the energy that animates creation. It's about Living with a capital “L.” It's about living with Soul.

1. See I Gotta Be Me - Part I
2. Moses and the burning bush reference Exodus 3:1-15
3. See the story of Buddha's enlightenment <http://www.waupun.k12.wi.us/Policy/other/dickhut/religions/50%20Story%20of%20Buddha.htm>
4. See Mark 1:12-13 (Matt. 4:1-11; Luke 1-13)
5. See Matthew 26:36-56 (Mark 14:32-42; Luke 22:40-46)
6. See Mark 15:34 Matthew 27:46
7. <http://www.answering-islam.org/Authors/Arlandson/confronting_satan.htm>
8. See <http://www.poorpeoplescampaignppc.org/King-s-Last--March.html>
9. <http://www.foxnews.com/story/2007/08/24/mother-teresa-did-not-feel-christ-presence-for-last-half-her-life-letters/
10. See Luke 17:33 New English Translation
11. Not his real name

I GOTTA BE ME PART I - ENGAGEMENT

Woburn, MA has been our home for nearly two years. When we moved, I told my friends we were starting a new chapter in our lives. Only now, am I beginning to appreciate the implications of that statement. We are closer to our grandchild, his parents and our son; and that is wonderful. Yet I continue to feel out of place and alone.

My dreams reinforce this fact. In one, I'm at a party. People are playing a gambling game that I don't understand. I 'm afraid I'll lose a lot of money. In another, I'm at our church in Madison, but no one acknowledges me. In a third, I'm teaching a college class, but the students ignore me.

I know that others also feel alone. I hear their cries on Facebook. “I got up this morning.” “I'm brushing my teeth.” “I'm having coffee at Starbucks on Main Street.” “Listen to me! I'm here! Pay attention!”

We hustle and bustle, filling our lives with activities. We justify our existence by what we do and how we are perceived. We strive to be recognized, wanting to leave a legacy. Do my family and friends see me as a good parent, grandparent, athlete, fun person? Will my former colleagues remember me when I have changed jobs or retired? Do people respect me? It goes on and on.

I'm beginning to realize that none of this really matters. My life is mine to live. I can't live it for or through others. Worse yet, I don't want to just fill my time with activities, rushing through life without really living it. How can I be my authentic self. How do I engage this deeper part of me?

Pete Seeger just died. He was one of my heroes. He was his own person. He sang for the labor movement in the 1940s and 1950s, for civil rights marches and anti-Vietnam War rallies in the 1960s, and for environmental and antiwar causes in the 1970s and beyond. “We Shall Overcome,” which Mr. Seeger adapted from old spirituals, became a civil rights anthem. He was called a communist and unAmerican. Yet he persevered into his nineties. Through the years, Mr. Seeger remained determinedly optimistic. “The key to the future of the world,” he said in 1994, “is finding the optimistic stories and letting them be known.”¹

Pete Seeger is only one of a multitude of people who lived out their personal destinies. We each have our list of such people. Mine includes the names and quotes below:

• “If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.” -- Mother Teresa²
• “The God of the Hebrews says, 'Release my people that they may serve me!'” – Moses³
• “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” –- Lao Tzu⁴
• “It's never to late to be what you might have been.” – George Elliot⁴
• “If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you'll lose it; but if you let that life go, you get life on God's terms” – Jesus⁵
• “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'” – Audrey Hepburn⁴
• “To thrive in life you need three bones. A wishbone. A backbone. And a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire⁴
• “The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.” – Buddha⁷
• “I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.” – Oprah Winfrey⁴
• “Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.” – Farrah Gray⁴
• Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.⁶
• “We cannot live in a world that is interpreted for us by others. An interpreted world is not a hope. Part of the terror is to take back our own listening. To use our own voice. To see our own light. - Hildegard von Bingen⁸

When I consider the people whom I know and admire, I am aware of a dynamic in myself that we all share. I put these people on pedestals. I say, “I can't live like that.” In doing this, I hamper the growth of my authentic self. Worse yet, I tend to dogmatize the teachings of those whom I admire. Rather than developing patterns and world views that work best in my life, I bind myself with their set of rules and beliefs. What worked for them, may not work for me. Rather than engaging life a moment at a time, with all the risk that entails, I strive for security. I live as if life were a static thing with right and wrong ways of engaging it. When I live this way, I am tempted to criticize those who do not live by my rules. This dynamic is at the heart of much of the religious and political polarization in our world.

My grandson, Little Gus, wants to copy my patterns or rules of living. He wears his hat outside because I wear mine. When I watch football at his house, he places another chair beside mine so we can both sit in “big boy” chairs. He's fascinated by what I drink at the coffee shop. He peers into my mug to see if I still have coffee. He wants me to hold him at the counter so he can order and pay with my credit card. When I ask him what he wants, he tells Peter, “Boobry muh-hin.” Then I ask him what grandpa wants, and he says, “Coffee.” I'm honored and embarrassed that I am held in such high regard.

Yet I know I'm also affected by the rules and patterns of others. When I was young, I wanted to be a good Christian so I could go to heaven. I tried mightily to obey the moral rules of my community because I was scared that I had unknowingly committed the unforgivable sin³ and would go to hell.

I continued this pattern in grad school. I was so concerned about earning my degree that I focused only on getting passing grades. I wasn't able to enjoy the excitement of exploring the creation. This is probably why I left physics. Physics for me was just a task. There was no excitement or life in it.

Only when I changed careers and began working on social justice issues did I come alive. I was no longer driven by fear of failure or judgment. I took risks. Life became an adventure. I was finally living my life. Now I can I read about the latest discoveries in physics with curiosity, wonder and awe.

How does one engage life with excitement and anticipation rather than fear or boredom? For some, it comes in a flash of inspiration. For others, it develops slowly. But in almost all cases, it begins with a deep concern or restlessness.

• Mother Teresa was serving as a nun in Calcutta, and was gripped by the poverty all around her. She was traveling on a train when she recounts, "I was to leave the convent and work with the poor, living among them. It was an order. I knew where I belonged but I did not know how to get there."⁹
• Siddharta Gautama, a prince, was raised in opulence when he became aware of all the suffering in his kingdom. He left his family and became a monk, nearly starving himself. When meditating under a Bodhi tree he “awakened” and became Buddha, the enlightened one, at which time he embarked on a ministry to lead others to enlightenment.¹⁰
• Jesus was a carpenter at a time that Israel was occupied and dominated by the Roman Empire. Some scholars say he became a disciple of the prophet John the Baptist. John preached a baptism of repentance; teaching that God would free a repentant Israel from Rome. Jesus went to be baptized by John where he had an epiphany. He left his home and began preaching and teaching about the Realm of God.
• Martin Luther King, Jr. was a preacher and civil rights leader in the segregated south during a period of great unrest. Dr. King was essentially called forth by circumstances to lead the movement.¹¹
• Hildegard of Bingen (a German writer, composer, philosopher, Christian mystic, and medical herbalist) was also called forth by circumstances. She had visions beginning when she was a little girl. Either because of her visions or for political reasons, her parents offered her as an oblate to a monastery. She eventually became a prioress of her own monastery and through her writings and letters affected the whole of the Roman Catholic church.¹²

I'm sure you can identify the dynamics that led your heroines/heroes to move forward living into their own deep personhood. But the more important question is, “What is the dynamic in your life that is stirring or has stirred you to be more than you think you are?” “What is drawing you or has drawn you forward into the risky business of living into your own destiny?”

In my case, it was the frustration I encountered while earning my degree in physics. I wasn't happy working by myself in a lab. I wanted to work with people to improve the world, but I didn't know what that meant. The inner voices from my past said I should become a minister. This didn't interest me. Finally, I struck out on my own. I explained my interests to people and got advice.

I then received a call from a man who invited me to attend a training seminar for people making radical career transitions. This event was scheduled in Washington, DC, the weekend following a conference I was attending in New York City. He said I could pay for the seminar after I had made the career transition. With this assurance, Jean and I set out for the big world of New York and Washington, DC, leaving our one and two year old children with our parents.

As they say, “The rest is history.” I embarked on a two year adventure interviewing people in Madison, Chicago and Milwaukee. I finally became the first director of Madison Urban Ministry, where I served for twenty-five years. In this transition, I experienced an energy that gave me new life and vitality. I began to relate to my authentic self.

Some would say that I encountered God, Yahweh or Allah in this experience, or that I had moved toward greater enlightenment. I just call it mystery. Yes, I come from a Christian tradition, so I do look to Jesus and the heroes/heroines of the Hebrew Scriptures as models for engaging this reality. But for me, mystery describes it best. Because of my physics training, the image that is most powerful is that of the expanding and evolving energy in the cosmos resulting from the big bang. This, of course, is an image not an explanation. When one deals in these matters, rationality doesn't cut it. It's more about art, music and poetry.

If you would like to share how you have moved toward your authentic self, I would be most interested in hearing from you. You can comment at the end of this blog, on Facebook at “Charles Pfeifer” or “Living With Soul”

In my next reflection, I will explore the challenges in the journey toward authenticity. In future reflections I will also explore the role of synchronicity. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

1. See article: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/29/arts/music/pete-seeger-songwriter-and-champion-of-folk-music-dies-at-94.html>
2. <https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/838305.Mother_Teresa
3. See Exodus 9:1
4. <http://sourcesofinsight.com/37-inspirational-quotes-that-will-change-your-life/>
5. See Luke 17:33 New English Translation
6. <http://mlkday.gov/plan/library/communications/quotes.php>
7. <http://sourcesofinsight.com/buddha-quotes/>
8. <http://blog.gaiam.com/quotes/authors/hildegard-von-bingen>
9. <http://www.ewtn.com/motherteresa/life.htm>
10. <en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gautama_Buddha#Awakening>
11. See Mark 3:28-29
12. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa>

IT IS BIGGER THAN THAT

 It's a beautiful day - colored leaves – blue sky – gentle breezes. Yet I know this weather won't last. It's autumn, a time of change. One day is warm with the sun shining. The following is cold with rain. We don't know what to expect from one day to the next. We are moving toward winter.

Life is like that, changeable and unpredictable. We live the best we can, loving, fearing and hoping. Yet we know we will die.

When I was younger, I feared death. God was a punishing Father who would send me to hell if I didn't follow His rules. As I grew older, this image fueled a fury at the cruelty in the world and a passion for justice. I spent years in Madison Urban Ministry, trying to make things right. Yet deep down, I knew the odds were stacked against the powerless, as powerful people and unjust institutions dominated the scene. I continued on until I burned out with chronic fatigue.

I resigned from the urban ministry and retreated, like a wounded animal, into a cave of my own making. I had little energy. My drive for justice and thirst for life evaporated in fatigue and depression.

As I regained strength, I perceived a different energy around me. It was like a friend sitting with me before a fire. I basked in this presence for several years before it too faded, leaving me with a belief, or was it a hope, that the 'yes' of the universe was stronger than its 'no.'

In my case, the life and teachings of Jesus kept hope alive. Jesus was in touch with a source of Life. He allowed me to hope that we humans are more than we think we are. Walter Wink, in his book, The Human Being, proposed that Jesus offers us the opportunity to go on the journey that he charted rather than just worshipping him or his journey¹. Wink said: "... Jesus incarnated God in his own person in order to show all of us how to incarnate God. And to incarnate God is what it means to be fully human.” This implies that each one of us can embody the mystery that is God in our own being just as Jesus did.

Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry make this point in more contemporary language in The Universe Story². They trace humanity's presence back to the Big Bang when time and space came into being in a burst of energy. This explosion of creativity has continued for more than thirteen billion years giving birth to stars, planets and life forms, including humans. With humans came the evolution of religion, societies and higher levels of consciousness. In a real sense, we humans are part of that originating pulse that created the universe. That energizing power lives in us. We are part of that which produces the growing diversity, complexity and interconnectedness of the creation.

Yet all is not simplicity and light. Both of these stories acknowledge that there are destructive as well as creative dynamics in the cosmos.

The first century story relates Jesus' experience of God as a loving parent in his baptism³. It then tells of his temptation to follow the path of self aggrandizement as the savior of Israel⁴. It recounts Jesus' sense of total abandonment as he prays prior to his execution at the hands of the Romans⁵. If we are to embody the mystery of God in our own beings, we too will experience God as a loving parent while also facing our own temptations, abandonments and death.

The twenty-first century story tells how elements of the creation diversify and multiply as they coexist in mutually beneficial, interdependent relationships. It then states that the finite energy of the universe and its physical laws limit the growth and diversification of life forms. Animals prey on one another in a struggle for survival. Ecosystems flourish and die dependent on ideal temperatures, air, water and adequate amounts of nutrients. The history of planet earth is replete with cycles of mass extinction of living species.⁶ We humans are part of this process, for we are just another life form. If our evolution is inconsistent with the creative dynamics of the cosmos, we too will become extinct.

Still, we are more than just another life form. We are conscious, and our consciousness is evolving. We are more than we think we are, because we embody that creative force that energizes the universe.

Putting this in the language of the first century story: We are more than subjects responding to the commands of God. Using Walter Wink's language, "... Jesus incarnated God in his own person in order to show all of us how to incarnate God. And to incarnate God is what it means to be fully human¹." We humans, like Jesus, can enflesh God who is Love, in our daily lives.⁷

How can I put this in contemporary terms? What might it be to live as part of the creativity that is energizing the Universe? This is much more than hedging our bets to preserve our species. This kind of living means risking our lives, and even the existence of our species, in the trust that the Life that flows in us promotes wholeness at it's deepest level. It involves engaging our fear of suffering and death for the sake of Life. For me, the phrase “living in Love” says it best.

Let me share two events in my life which help me to understand “living in Love.”

1. The first involves my “little sister Sue” who died a couple of years ago from ovarian cancer. I spent six weeks with her during the last six months of her life. Although it was incredibly painful to be with her as she suffered and fought to live, it was also a tremendous blessing. Sue and I loved each other. There was no questioning that. The events of each day, the trips to the hospital, the special drugs, even feeding her through a tube in her stomach, deepened our bonds of love. After she died, I spent a couple of days in her house. In a strange sense she was powerfully present there in her absence. I experienced “living in Love” through Sue's dying.

2. The second involves my grandson, little Gus, who was born nineteen months ago. Little Gus is simply precious. His giggles of delight cause me to “smile all over.” When he runs toward me, my cynicism evaporates and my world lights up. I would risk my life for him. Being with little Gus is “living in Love.”

I wonder what it might be like to live every moment of my life as I did when I was with sister Sue and as I do when I am with little Gus. I wonder what it might it be like to relate to the whole creation this way – with every person on earth including my enemies – with animals, trees, mountains and rivers. What it might be like to stare at the moon and stars on a cloudless night “living in Love?”

We are challenged today:

• To have the creativity and courage to live into our full humanity
• To translate the insights of ancient wisdom into more contemporary understandings
• To explore living in Love in a more cosmic sense
• To let go of old patterns for the sake of Life

I can describe this journey by paraphrasing the introduction to the old Star Trek episodes:

Future: The final frontier

To explore strange new worlds

To seek out new life and new ways of being

To boldly go where humanity has never gone before.

Like the crew of the Starship Enterprise, we are being challenged to travel into the unknown, motivated by Life and living in Love.

As the new life of spring emerges from the death of winter, we are challenged to allow new life to spring from us in the midst of our dying age.

Whatever your world view, your values or your life practices and experiences, I invite you to join me in this endeavor⁸.

I will continue this exploration in my next post

1. The Human Being: Jesus and the Enigma of the Son of the Man by Walter Wink - book review by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat - http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/books/books.php?id=3602
2. The Universe Story by Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry book review by Bob Nichols, https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/202229491
3. See the baptism account where Jesus is affirmed as a beloved son of God. Mark 1:9-11, Matthew 3:13-17, Luke 3:21-22
4. See the wilderness temptations of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13 and Mark 1:12-13
5. See Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane before his execution by Roman authorities in Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, Luke 22:39-46
6. History of extinctions - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_event
7. See 1 John 4:7-21 for the phrase “God is love"
8. The link below connects to a video, the second half of which resonates for me with what I am trying to describe in this post. http://www.upworthy.com/hes-speaking-shes-playing-and-im-just-over-here-trying-to-pick-my-jaw-up-off-the-floor?g=6

NOT MINE ALONE

Frank's Story

I met Frank* at a shared table in a crowded coffee shop - a middle aged man, slightly balding. He was reading a paper and whistling softly to himself, improvising to the muzak. "Are you a musician?" I asked. "Used to be." "What do you mean by that?" “Do you really want to know?" "Yes, if you're willing to tell me."

I'm a classically trained pianist - Juilliard. I was a child prodigy. I performed with a number of symphony orchestras. I also did some composing. Later my interests migrated from classical to jazz. I combined classical riffs with old school blues. People marked me as a real comer in the jazz scene.

When I was on stage, I was in my medium. It was me and the crowd. I was at the top of my game. I had wealthy friends, fast cars, money and fame. These things were the measure of my success. The trouble was, I didn't relate well to people.

I believed I was the best, and I wanted everyone to know it. I was a real jerk with my band. I'd follow a solo by one of the guys with one of my own as if to say, "I'm the real star here." I didn't hang out with other musicians. They knew I was talented, but they never really accepted me. I heard later that one of my band members said he felt like a stage prop, a bit of glitz to enhance my performances.

Eventually, the really talented musicians left my band. I continued on, but never made the big time. As my career declined, I craved the idolization of my fans, almost like a drunk craves another drink. I needed to maintain the illusion that I was important, worthwhile and in control.

Finally, my wife, Elaine, put it to me in terms I could not ignore. “Frank," she said, “either you change your ways or we are through.” “You're a middle aged man. You've squandered your talent. You'll never again be a concert pianist or a top jazz performer. You have few real fans. Your high living friends will dump you as soon as you run out of money. I love you, but I can't watch you destroy yourself through your delusions."

Elaine's ultimatum was like a blow to the gut. My world came crashing down around me as the truth of her statements hit home. Were it not for Elaine, I would have slid further into a world of alcohol and drugs. As it was, I was so depressed I was hospitalized for a few months in a treatment facility.

Finally, I began to face the facts of my life. I was born with huge potential, a prospect for greatness that was never realized. I still had a decade or two left to live. It was mine to decide if I was going to give up or deal with the shambles of my life? If I was going to deal, I needed help from Elaine and others. I had special gifts, but so does every human. My sense of specialness and entitlement had isolated me from myself and others.

I stopped attending the high roller parties. I went to jazz clubs to enjoy the performances, not to be recognized. I relaxed. I worried less about my image. I stopped assuming that high quality music could only be performed by well known musicians in certain venues. I began to listen to street musicians, young people with great potential who could never afford a conservatory education. Many of these kids would spend their lives in prison because poverty excluded them from the opportunities I had squandered.

Slowly a vision developed, one in which I could invest my life. I would use my performance abilities, my compositional skills and my knowledge of the jazz scene to help a few of these kids become the musicians I had never become. With the support of Elaine and a few friends, I developed a small music school in the inner city.

As the school grew, I noticed a shift in myself. I didn't need to be the star. I was part of something bigger. I experienced a burst of creative energy greater even than when I was a concert pianist or a jazz performer. I was involved in something worth while, something good and meaningful. I was using my full potential and enjoying it.

I never spoke to Frank again, but his story will be with me forever.

Our Story

Frank's story is not Frank's alone. It is our story, the story of our nation.

Like Frank, when confronted by Elaine, we need to face the facts of our own national history. The founders of our nation dreamed of a democracy where its citizens had the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Even with the sorry chapters of our treatment of Native Americans and our history of slavery, our nation carried with it a prospect for greatness. But we, like Frank, have squandered our talent. We are middle aged as a society. We will never again be the super power, the uncontested beacon of hope that we were in our formative years. We have become one nation among many in a newly developing global culture. We are acknowledged for our economic and military power. But many in other nations view us with hatred and suspicion. As I concluded in my last post, Why Do We Do It?, “We live in a culture that is addicted to material possessions and to dominance of those who stand in the way of our accumulation of these possessions.”

It is ours to decide whether we are going to continue in our addictive patterns or whether we are going to deal with the shambles of our national life.

We can give up in denial and continue in our national assumption of American exceptionalism and entitlement. This isolates us from humankind in a little bubble of our own making, a kind of idolatry – a worship of our false image of greatness. Inevitably, this will lead to our downfall.

If we choose to deal with our addiction, we can reappraise our national policies and behaviors in view of our moral failures. We can look to others for help, realizing that we are not in control of life on our planet. We can define ourselves less in terms of material possessions and international domination, and more in terms of participation with others. We can choose to utilize our talents, experience and creative energy in new ways to benefit a global family, that is itself in danger of extinction

This requires each of us engaging the depth within ourselves that gives meaning to our lives. For some, this depth will be found in the traditional religious and spiritual paths that have served well in the past - Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, etc. For others this depth will involve life style and world-view modifications precipitated by cutting edge insights like those related to the Mind and Life Institute¹, the processes of the New Consciousness², psychological insights like those of Wolfgang Giegerich³ and Evolutionary Spirituality⁴, to name a few. Some will engage this personal depth in new age spiritualities^5,6. Still others may be transformed by compassion as they reach out to the poor and oppressed, as happened with Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Oscar Romero.

Whatever our spiritual practices or non-practices, this shift in national direction and attitude requires that we each participate by engaging the dynamic that gives meaning to our lives and enhances life for all humanity.

One thing is certain. The collective path that we develop as a nation and culture must be a collaborative one. We are long past the time when we can afford the luxury of demonizing or discounting the religious, spiritual, political and psychological practices of others whose world views and experiences differ from our own. Each person's path to meaning contains insights that can be of value in these times, as we humbly reassess what it means to be fully human. In this process, it is important that we each follow our own paths to meaning with integrity. Only then can we contribute to the good of the whole.

Finally, we must be open to the new and innovative possibilities even as we are guided by our personal practices. A new consciousness is arising in our species. This consciousness is grounded in an understanding of our commonality as humans and in our participation with the generative and inventive qualities of the cosmos.

If we can appreciate the fact that humanity has far greater potential than previously realized, we will obtain insights that we had never dreamed of. This, I believe is our task. We need to take from the past, that which is helpful and compassionate. We need simultaneously, to engage future possibilities that enhance our humanity and adaptability. We, the human ones, are challenged to provide the continuity between that which has been and that which is becoming. This, like Frank's little community school, is a task worthy of us, an engagement that involves something good and meaningful that will extend far beyond our limited efforts. I will speak more of this in my next post.

* Frank is a composite of several remarkable people I have met.

1. http://www.mindandlife.org/collaborators/ a collaboration between His Holiness the Dalai Lama and a growing international network of researchers investigating the effects of contemplative-based practices on the brain, human biology and behavior
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consciousness#Neural_correlates
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfgang_Giegerich
4. http://www.universespirit.org/evolutionary-spirituality-definition-principles-history-aka-universe-spirituality-eco-spirituality
5. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Age
6. http://www.religioustolerance.org/newage.htm

WHY DO WE DO IT?

 My last blog entry, Violence & Addiction, described the tragic massacre/suicide of 28 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I observed that our society promotes addictive tendencies that isolate us from one another and erode compassion. These dynamics create fertile soil for violence like that of Newtown, Connecticut.

Since then the violence has continued: Two young men exploded bombs at the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring hundreds. These men later shot and killed a policeman and wounded another before they were both hit by gun fire, one killed and the other apprehended.

A fire and explosion at a fertilizer plant in West, Texas killed 15 and wounded 200, many of them first responders coming to put out the fire. Records indicate that the owners of the plant had violated safety regulations for years.

A building housing a clothing factory, collapsed in a Bangladesh. Reuters reported¹:

The factory collapse in Bangladesh that killed over 300 people this week is a stark reminder of the risks in the global retail industry's search for cheap production. . . About 18 months before the previous big tragedy in Bangladesh - a fire in November in a textile factory that killed 112 people - shareholders at Wal-Mart Stores Inc had the opportunity to weigh in on the safety question. By a nearly 50-to-1 margin, they rejected a proposal to require suppliers to report annually on safety issues at their factories. In arguing against the proposal, Wal-Mart's management made its reasoning clear: Having suppliers compile such reports "could ultimately lead to higher costs for Walmart and higher prices for our customers. This would not be in the best interests of Walmart's shareholders and customers and would place Walmart at a competitive disadvantage," the company said in proxy materials.

Disasters such as the April 24 collapse of an eight-story factory building in Bangladesh have not changed the calculation for apparel makers and retailers. Cheaper products appeal to shoppers. And the taint, if any, appears to be manageable.

Recently two articles appeared in the national press marking the tenth anniversary of the second Iraq war. The articles, written by US Servicemen who served in Iraq, describe this war as a foreign policy blunder and a human tragedy of monumental proportions.

One, officer John A. Nagl states:²

The costs of the second war, which began 10 years ago this week, are staggering: nearly 4,500 Americans killed and more than 30,000 wounded, many grievously; tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis wounded or killed; more than $2 trillion in direct government expenditures; and the significant weakening of the major regional counterweight to Iran and consequent strengthening of that country’s position and ambitions. Great powers rarely make national decisions that explode so quickly and completely in their face.

The other, Thomas Young speaks more personally:³

The Last Letter

To: George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

From: Tomas Young

I write this letter on the 10th anniversary of the Iraq War on behalf of the 4,488 soldiers and Marines who died in Iraq. I write this letter on behalf of the hundreds of thousands of veterans who have been wounded and on behalf of those whose wounds, physical and psychological, have destroyed their lives. . . I write this letter on behalf of those veterans whose trauma and self-revulsion for what they have witnessed, endured and done in Iraq have led to suicide and on behalf of the active-duty soldiers and Marines who commit, on average, a suicide a day.

. . . I want to make it clear that I, and hundreds of thousands of my fellow veterans, along with millions of my fellow citizens, along with hundreds of millions more in Iraq and the Middle East, know fully who you are and what you have done. . . I would not have to lie in my bed, my body filled with painkillers, my life ebbing away, and deal with the fact that hundreds of thousands of human beings, including children, including myself, were sacrificed by you for little more than the greed of oil companies, for your alliance with the oil sheiks in Saudi Arabia, and your insane visions of empire. . .

Last month, the United States Senate defeated two legislative proposals: 1) that would require universal background checks of all people purchasing fire arms and 2) that would limit the size of ammo clips that could be attached to guns. This was done, knowing these measures were supported by the majority of voters, and after hearing the tearful pleas for passage by the parents of the children killed in Newtown. They apparently acted in this way fearful that the NRA would mobilize against their re-elections.

What is it in our national spirit that allows us to sanction the injury and deaths of hundreds of thousands of people to provide us with gas for our cars, cheaper clothes & food, and the right to carry military weapons on our streets?

These sacrifices of human life are horrendous. We barely take notice; feeling little connection with those who suffer for our life style and political decisions. In most cases we aren't even aware of these people. They are killed and maimed by institutional structures (governmental policies and corporate actions) that isolate us from the carnage. The people killed and maimed are no more than statistics reported on the daily news along with sports scores and weather predictions.

In ancient times, such national behaviors were challenged as idolatrous. The people of Israel were condemned by the prophets for worshipping the false gods of money and domination rather than Yahweh, the God of mercy, justice and love. The people were instructed to repent in sack cloth and ashes to avoid judgement. In our post-Christian and post-religious society, such images carry little weight. The idea of fearing the wrath and judgement of God seems almost laughable in our present culture.

Because of this reality, I am choosing to discuss these issues using the language of addiction rather than religion. We live in an addictive and addicted culture. These addictive qualities affect and infect the very structures of our society.

Let me remind you of the dynamics of addiction. Addiction is the compulsive acting out of behaviors in the irrational belief that these behaviors will allow us to feel worthy and whole. These behaviors, whether they involve alcohol and other drugs, over-consumption, sex, food or domination, are incapable of providing a sense of wholeness and self worth. The opposite is often the case. After acting out, the addict feels shame, remorse & guilt that increase a sense of self loathing and that further erode a healthy self image. Even so, the addict continues to repeat the behaviors in the insane belief that the next compulsive round will make things better.

The deeper a person descends into the addictive cycle, the more s/he denies and rationalizes what is happening. “My behavior is not out of control.” “I can stop if I want to.” As the denial and rationalization increase, the addict withdraws from reality into his/her own little world. S/he begins to lead a double life – a normal life with family, work and friends and a secret life driven by the compulsion to act out. Unless the addict faces the fact that his/her life is out of control and that s/he needs help, the result will be personal catastrophe and even death. The greatest tragedy in all of this is that the addictive compulsion separates the addict from the very life force that s/he so desperately wants to experience.

The addictive dimensions of a culture are even more difficult to define than personal addictions, because everything is once removed. Denial and rationalization are almost a given. We say, “It is not my actions that are problematic. It's the actions of big corporation or big government.” “I want to get a bargain on my clothes, but I'm not personally responsible for how clothes are manufactured.” “I don't want gasoline rationed. But I'm not wasting gas.” “I want reasonably priced fruit, vegetables and meat, which take fertilizer; but I don't waste food.” “I want the right to carry a weapon if that make me feel safe.” We say these things, and we mean them.

Because most of us are not personally addicted, it's difficult to identify our cultural patterns as addictive. We have grown accustomed to our life style, and we are unwilling to change it. It is tough to face the fact that our life style is precipitating cycles of violence and suffering in the world.

We participate in a national belief system, or faith if you wish, which professes that personal and societal wholeness and happiness are dependent on material possessions and personal autonomy. We honestly believe that personal wealth and independence lead to happiness. Our corporations participate in the same belief. Their managers assume that the more wealth they can acquire through technology, production and unrestrained growth, the healthier and more beneficial the corporation will be.

It's not that material possessions and autonomy are bad in themselves, anymore than food, drink, sex, or personal independence are bad. It's only when these things are pursued as a substitute for that which gives life its fulness and meaning that they are destructive. Just like the alcoholic whose drinking leads to family problems and loss of a job, our cultural addiction is leading to unhealthy consequences and national decline.

Some signs of this decline include the increase in violence at home and abroad resulting from our political and economic policies; the dysfunction in our political system that is driven by party loyalty and the desire to be re-elected rather than to serve the citizens; economic deterioration; environmental degradation - particularly global warming, and excessive consumption of global resources that leaves the majority of people in the world living in illness and poverty.⁴

As with the individual, our addictive cultural patterns creep up on us, denied and ignored, until we face a crisis. In fact, our cultural compulsion to accumulate and control resembles the patterns of drug addicts who steal even from family members to get another hit.

We are still the most powerful nation in the world. And we are in jeopardy. We lack a national vision and sense of purpose. We throw our weight around to prove our superiority. We dominate and control so that we can consume and live as we choose, in the insane belief that this will make us happy.

How can we, as a nation, come to our senses and realize that things are beyond our control? We can't fix ourselves, even through legislation. We need to tap into that spirit and vision that made our nation great. This vision is stated eloquently in the words of Emma Lazarus, inscribed on the Statue of Liberty:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses, yearning to breath free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

There is something of great power deep in the American spirit that must be re-engaged in these times. The faith as stated by our fore-mothers and fore-fathers has little meaning for many of us today. It is our task to restate this faith for our times, to engage something deep within ourselves that enables us to work together for a global society where there is “liberty and justice for all.”

In our increasingly interdependent world, it is essential that we look to our better angels⁵ and rely on a power that transcends that which is consuming us. We need to discover again what it means to Live With Soul.*

* I will write more about this in my next reflection.

1. Reuters - Analysis: Bangladesh still works for retailers, despite disasters - Nivedita Bhattacharjee and Jessica Wohl - Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:05am EDT
2. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/20/opinion/the-silver-linings-of-iraq.html
3. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/tomas-young-dying-iraq-war-veteran-writes-last-letter-to-bush-and-cheney-20130320
4. The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. The richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income. http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats
5. "better angels" used in Abraham Lincoln's first innagral address