The many dimensions of darkness
As a child, I layawake at night, careful not to let my hand dangle over the edge of the bed, fearful that something under the bed might grab it. I didn’t really believe there was anything under my bed, but I could never be sure. It was a feeling – fear of the unknown.
As a college student I spent a week camping in the boundary waters of northern Minnesota. One night, I layon a rock outcropping near our campsite. All was dark except for the stars twinkling in the sky above. The only sound was that of water lapping at the edge of the lake. I lay there, suspended between earth and sky – floating. All was peaceful and quiet. Time stood still.
These days, I wake in the night. My surroundings seem briefly unfamiliar. I get out of bed, stumbling in the dark toward the bathroom.
These images of darkness come to mindas I consider our world. We stumble in the dark trying to find our way. We are bereft of the guideposts of the past – political ideologies, religious belief systems and cultural conventions. As in my childhood experience, we dare not expose ourselves beyond our comfort zones. The world is a fearful place filled with global threats and uncertainties.We fear the unknown, concerned that something might grab us and pull us under. We yearn for a place in the darkness where we can let down our guard and float free.
How can we retain or even rediscover our compassion for others and our moral guidance in this darkness?
Advice from a Mystic – passionate yearning – the dart of love and longing.
At the beginning of the Renaissance, an anonymous fourteenth century mystic wrote a book, “The Cloud Of Unknowing,” i.
Six hundredyears later, the shift that began with the Renaissance is full blown. The industrial revolution has come and gone. We live in the Information Age. With cloning techniques we can duplicate living beings. Using this technology combined with 3D imaging we are close to creating body part replacements and machines that mimic human characteristics. Contemporary psychology and physiology have made the concepts and images of God obsolete for many.
As we stumble in the dark, searching for moral grounding, the advice of this unknown mystic is strangely relevant. He tells us that all of our accumulated knowledge will never lead us to a higher moral standing. He advises that those dimensions of our existence that produce altruism are beyond our knowing. These dimensions can only be engaged by a passionate yearning, that he calls the dart of love and longing.
This love has little to do with the sentimental love of TV sitcoms. This yearning is different from emotion. Emotions are transient feelings. (“Oh, what a beautiful flower.” “That was a really scary movie.”) Passion compels one to act. It becomes a central motivating force in one’s life.
Greta Thunberg,iia 17 year old Swedish climate activist, first learned about the climate crises when she was 8 years old. She convinced her family to lower their carbon footprint. As a 15 year old, she shamed representatives at a UN climate negotiations summit in Poland (COP24), telling them, "You are not mature enough to tell it like it is. Even that burden you leave to us children.”
This is the passion the unknown mystic defined as the dart of love and longing. He insistedthat this is the only thing that can pierce the Cloud of Unknowing. In today’s language, the mystic is insisting that the existence or non-existence of God can never be described conceptually. The mystery can only be experienced from something deep within each of us that defies concepts.
Greta Thunberg is led by her passion into the Cloud of Unknowing. She put itwell when she said, “I don't care about being popular. I care about climate justice and the living planet." iii
Rev. William Barber II ivhas been on the forefront of actions for justice since he was a teenager. His passion led him to organize the Poor People’s Campaign: A National Call for Moral Revival. Following in the foot steps of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., Barber advocates for the disenfranchised of our world. By every reasonable measure, his efforts are bound to fail. He continues; motivated and energized by his passion.
John Kirvan put it this way, v“We are being asked to overcome our need to make sense, to set aside a perpetual pursuit of meaning, to overcome the driving character of our humanity, our intense need to understand. We are being asked to resist our very human efforts to capture God. Spirituality is never about understanding. It is always about “not understanding.“ It is about surrendering to mystery, to the unknown and the unknowable.vi
This surrender isn’t a “giving in” or an attitude of “Que Sera Sera,” (“Whatever will be will be.”) Rather it is like committing to an inner drive that makes no rational sense. Joseph Campbell referred to this dynamic when he advised, “Follow your bliss.” vii
John Kirvan continues, “The spirituality of “perfection“ that has so long dominated our lives—and intimidated them – has given way to a spirituality of desire, of longing, to a spirituality of “incompleteness and contradiction.“ A spirituality of restlessness. viii
When we are gripped by our passion, we are less controlled by theknowledge, insights and goals of the past. We are less reactive in terms of old hopes, hurts, angers, and motivations. The mystic names this state the Cloud of Forgetting. In more contemporary language, we might substitute ‘forgetting’ with the words, ‘detachment,’ ‘untangling’ or ‘freeing up.’ ix
When we are gripped by passion, we are torn between two poles. On the one hand, our passion pulls us into the unknown. At the same time, we are held back by fear and uncertainty. It is difficult to let go of old hopes, hurts, angers and motivations. We are often controlled by the dominant patterns of our culture. We want to continue as slaves to the knowledge, insights and goals of the past. The mystic terms this the Valley of Desire.
“Desire,” like “love,” is easily misinterpreted. The word must be rescued from common societal definitions. “Desire” is more than idle dreams and wishes. (e.g. “I wish I could take a vacation in Hawaii.”) Also, “Desire” is not equivalent to lust, whether it be for sex, money, fame or power. John Kirvan writes, “Desire is not about satisfaction. It’s not about who you have been. It’s not about accomplishment. Desire is a focussed passion, a life force that centers our existence, that energizes our journey.“x
Most of us have experienced the Valley of Desire – this tension between fear and passion. For some it is the tension between wanting to be a good parent and the demands of work. Others are torn between the desire to achieve excellence in a field of endeavor and the need to lead a normal life.
The unknown mystic warns us that the Valley of Desire is filled with many risks.
Risks in the Valley of Desire
Fear of the Unknown
As with my childhood fear of dangling my hand outside the bed, we all experience night sweats. We worry about things that might hurt our family and those we love. We are troubled by uncertainties in our future. We agonize over global crises, like the COVID-19 pandemic. We stress about commitments we have made that feel like burdens.
Stepping into the unknown is frightening. Metaphorically, it is like a tightrope walker stepping onto the wire, with no safety net. Even the stress of our present lives seems more desirable than this.
Cynicism
One of the greatest killers of my passion is cynicism. When things are tough we slide into a sneering “Know-It-All” self. We rant about those awful people and demonic institutions that are leading to our destruction. We step back from involvement. We become observers who know that catastrophes are inevitable no matter what we do.
Misplaced Faith
Misplaced Faith is tricky because it masquerades as passion. People imbedded in faith traditions, political frameworks or business environments are tempted to say, “I’ll put this in the hands of God, the party or the corporation.” They may also say, “God, the party or corporation will stand with me because I have been faithfully involved in the effort.”
If we believe everything will be taken care of, we don’t have to get involved. If we believe that our every action is supported by a superior presence, we are free to act according to our established beliefs and practices. We assume they are condoned by a higher power. In either case we become part of the problem. We justify wars and oppression. We join the crowd, and shout, “God bless America!”
Regrets
We all have regrets or feelings of guilt about past actions or inactions. I regret I wasn’t more available to my family when our children were young. These regrets pull us into the past. They dampen our passion and leave us angry, depressed, stressed and restless.
Addictive Compulsions
Addictive compulsions can be mistaken for passion. The major difference between the two is that addictive compulsions are exclusive, while passion is inclusive.
I am a recovering work-o-holic. I am ashamed to admit that I once said, “I will choose God even at the expense of my family.” This was my work-o-holism speaking. I was caught in a compulsive attempt to earn love and validation. My addictive drive to promote justice caused me to neglect my family. It finally drove me to burnout through chronic fatigue syndrome.
Passion – the dart of love and longing
I am beginning to experience the passion described by the unknown mystic. This is not some radical conversion where my life is completely reoriented. It’s more like a dream image that hovers in the background. Sometimes, it draws me forward with real power. At other times it is almost obscured by everyday cares, concerns and hopes.
I am changing. I am less affected by the constant stream of chatter that tells me to fear this or hate that. Bit-by-bit my compulsions are diminishing. I am discovering a deeper love for my family even as my passion for justice remains.
I appreciate the unknown mystic’s insistence that all our accumulated knowledge will never allow us to step into the unknown. The only way is through the passion of love and longing. The Cloud of Unknowing surrounds us in mystery.
It reminds me of what happens when we see a small child in danger. We risk ourselves in an instant with no thought of the outcome. The passion of which the mystic speaks is like that. Only it persists. When we are guided by our passion, we become vulnerable. In this vulnerability there is strength.
Originally, I hoped that my journey would allow me to rest in darkness, just as I rested by the lake those many years ago. There are times when I do experience this peace. It is not the norm.
The passion of which the mystic speaks, causes pain, sorrow and anguish as we grow in our concern for others. We move forward into the unknown doing what we can, using all our intellect, experience and wisdom. As with adults racing toward endangered children, we can’t predict the outcome of our endeavors. We are simply compelled to act.
A personal insight
I will close with a personal insight. As I stumble forward in my own darkness, I am more sensitive to my personal yearnings and losses. Rather than following my addictive compulsions, in a desperate effort to fill that empty space in my heart, I am beginning to engage that emptiness.
When I was four years old, my father was killed in an auto accident which seriously injured my mother, my three year old sister and me. Part of the emptiness in my heart is a yearning for the love and nurture of my dad during those early years of my youth. This was taken from me. Recently, during my meditation, I had the palpable image of walking beside my father, holding his hand. Something of this mysterious image comforts me. I am grateful.
A glimmer of hope
These are difficult times. We stumble in the dark, haunted by fear and uncertainty. We are prone to manipulation by those who play on our fears and sow distrust for personal gain.
There is hope. I am convinced that each of us has experienced, however briefly, the passion described by the unknown mystic. Allow yourself to engage this passion. Sit with it. Let it grow. Take some tentative steps following it.
We may never be as well known as Greta Thunberg or Rev. William Barber II. We need to remember that it isn’t about fame and fortune. As we live into our passion, our lives will make a difference. I invite you to join me as we stumble in the darkness of these times.
Stumbling In The Dark
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i“There is a God. There Is No God: A Companion for the Journey of Unknowing” by John Kirvan
iiiibid
ivhttps://time.com/5784068/william-barber-ii-faith-injustice/
v“There is a God. There Is No God: A Companion for the Journey of Unknowing” by John Kirvan (p. 97)
viJoseph Campbell put it this way, “Follow your bliss.”
vii“The way to find out about your happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you really are happy-not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what I call ‘following your bliss.’”<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell>
viii“There is a God. There Is No God: A Companion for the Journey of Unknowing” by John Kirvan (p.42)
ixIbid. (p 60)
xIbed. (p 57 ff)
